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Eythen: Can I have a chocolate bunny for a snack?
Me: You can have half of it.
Eythen: If I eat the healthy one can I have all of it?
Me: Healthy one?
Eythen: The one that says milk chocolate.
Me: Milk chocolate does not make it healthy.
Eythen: I am pretty sure it is extra milky so that means it is extra healthy with all the milk in the bunny. So can I eat all of it?
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Eythen: Bad news is I found a box of Captain Crunch behind my bed. Good news is that I must have ate the whole box before it fell behind my bed so none of it went to waste.
I really could not even make this shit up. This is my life ... and sometimes I think I am being punked.
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*Eythen and Breeanna pretending like they are ninja's in the kitchen*
*While I am dodging their kicks*
*While trying to make dinner before Harleigh has to be out the door for basketball*
*And Breeanna has to be out the door for dance*
*While calling off Eythen's spelling words*
*Wondering when the hell my husband is gonna get home*
*While debating about opening up a bottle of wine and guzzling it down before Clint walks in the door*
*Realizing that if I am drunk when Clint walks in the door then he has to take AND pick up Harleigh from basketball practice*
*Coming to the understanding that if I chug down a second bottle then Clint has to also take Breeanna to AND from dance class*
Breeanna: Watch it! You are gonna kick me in the balls if you are not careful!
*I literally drop a jar of tomato sauce out of pure shock*
Me: What did you just say?
Breeanna: Nothing.
Me: Do you even know what that means?
Breeanna: Kids say it in my class all the time. So I am guessing it is the balls of my feet. Right?
*All the while her and Eythen are still ninja-ing the shit out of each other*
Me: One ... we do not talk like that in our house. Two ... Breeanna ... you do not have balls. End of story.
Eythen: Na-Na-Na-Na-Na ... I have balls and you don't!!!
*Turn and give a "what the f*ck look" to my son*
Me: We do not talk like that. Got it.
Eythen: Well ... I do have balls. Right?
*WHERE the HELL is my husband???*
Me: Uhh ... yeah. But do you have a clue what that means?
Eythen: My butt?
Me: No.
Eythen. Oh WAIT! I know! My friend at school is always saying "Don't hit my balls" and then he grabs himself like this. *grabbing his you know what*
Me: What the hell is happening at recess at your school? Good lord!
Eythen: So were are my balls?
*Damn Clint for working late*
Me: This is a subject that you need to talk to your Dad about.
*14 seconds later*
Eythen: Can I call Dad?
Me: Why?
Eythen: Because I wanna know where my balls are.
*make that 3 bottle of wine that I am debating about chugging down*
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Me: Eythen get your shoes on it is time to get out the door for basketball practice.
Eythen: I think I am gonna walk there. See ya.
Me: I don't think so. It is dark outside and you would not be able to see where you are going.
Eythen: My eyes can see in the dark Mom. I am like a ninja.
Clint: The boogie man will get you if you walk in the dark by yourself.
Eythen: Who exactly is this boogie man that you are talking about? I have never met him before. Is he some weird-o or something?
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As I am tucking in Eythen this evening he asked me whom I thought was the smartest person in the family. I replied with "I think everyone is very smart." He looked straight at me and said "It is ok Mom. It is just me and you in here ... you can go ahead and admit that you think it is me."
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In a previous post I told you about Eythen having his first visit from the toothfairy.
The following night I noticed he had another "tooth container" with a hot pink string sitting on his bookshelf.
Now ... I found it odd that this tooth container was there for a few reasons:
1. I was CERTAIN that the toothfairy took Eythen's teeth when she paid him a visit last night before she brushed her teeth and went to bed.
2. I was CERTAIN that Eythen's tooth container had a blue string ... not a hot pink string.
3. I was pretty sure that this tooth container belonged to Harleigh because she left strict instructions for the toothfairy that she wanted to keep her teeth last summer.
So ... needless to say ... my very clever son decided to test out the toothfairy and see if he left some more teeth (even if they came out of someone elses mouth) if he could score some more money.
Nice try kid!!!
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My little man is the BIG SEVEN TODAY!!!
I know EVERYONE says it ... but it really does seem like yesterday that he was born.
It really feels like I blinked ... and he was no longer a baby.
*tear fall*
So ... as I sit here and look back on the last seven years of me being a Mommy to a little guy ... it has made me realize that he has taught me SO much through out the years. I thought I would share some of this very important information to all of you ...
1. ALWAYS check your son's pockets for rocks ... small action figures ... or bugs BEFORE you do his laundry.
2. Speaking of action figures ... they hurt REALLY bad when you step on them in the middle of the night.
3. Forget about trying to remember all the names to the Thomas the Train "people" ... there are WAY to many. BUT ... rest assure that your son will know EVERY single one of their names.
4. Transformers SUCK at trying to "transform".
5. G.I. Joe's are NOT Barbie dolls.
6. Little boys are ALWAYS hungry ... EVEN IF they just ate 8 chicken nuggets and a medium fry from McDonald's. They will STILL ask for ice cream or half of your hamburger on the way out the door.
7. Boys are a never ending bundle of energy. Even at midnight ... they will still ask you to play a Wii game with them.
8. Oreo cookies ... forget about them lasting more than 24 hours in your household if your son knows that they are in the cabinet.
9. When it comes to your son brushing their teeth ... you MUST remind them to put toothpaste ON the toothbrush. If you fail to do this ... then it is YOUR fault if they choose to just brush their teeth with water.
10. When you see the cat soaking wet ... rest assure that your son most likely tried to give it a bath in the toilet.
11. Speaking of the toilet ... your son WILL have his hands and feet IN THE TOILET at some point in time. Promise.
12. Jeans WILL have holes in the knees ... when it comes to your son's jeans. EVEN IF you just bought them a pair of $40 jeans 2 weeks prior.
13. Nerf guns will become a permanet ficture in your living room.
14. Fruit chews are considered a fruit in your son's eyes.
15. Your son would be able to live off of chicken nuggets if you allowed him to attempt it.
16. When it comes to the sand box and your son ... you will have more sand IN your house eventually ... than IN the sandbox. You might as well check his pockets for sand as well ... when it comes to doing his laundry.
17. Speaking of his laundry ... forget about him having matching pairs of socks. Boys loose socks. Period. And if you ask them where they put all of their socks ... you will get the same answer every time ... "I don't know".
18. When you ask your son to pick up his room ... rest assure that you WILL find dirty clothes in their dresser. You WILL find Wii remotes in their book shelf. You WILL find tractors, hot wheels and trains UNDER their covers. You WILL find food wrappers hidden behind the TV stand. You WILL find shoes in the toy box.
19. Your son WILL ruin a brand new outfit that you JUST cut the tags off of within 5 minutes of playing outside.
20. If you are in your bedroom folding laundry ... and it is quiet down the hall ... something bad is going on. One option could be ... oh I don't know ... perhaps your son coloring all over your living room walls, hallway and kitchen frig with a permanent marker.
21. When buying a box of dozen donuts from Krispy Kreme ... ALWAYS ... I repeat ALWAYS put them up IN a cabinet. DO NOT leave them ON the cabinet ... in arms reach ... for your son. Otherwise it is YOUR FAULT if he eats a bite out of every single donut.
22. Stains will magically appear on your son's bedroom carpet ... and he will plead the 5th to having food or juice in his room.
23. Even if you daughters have not ONCE got a warning in school for talking or misbehaving in class ... your son WILL. Most likely it will happen often in kindergarten. He might even set the school record for having the most "yellow days" (yellow days are "warnings" at my kiddos school).
24. Get use to ER bills and emergency trips to Wal-Greens when it comes to having a boy in your house. Boys have more bumps, bruises, scraps, cuts, burns and injured body parts than known to man kind.
25. A jump rope can be used for NUMEROUS things when looked at through your son's eyes. He can tie it to the back of his bike ... he can tie it around his sisters neck ... he can attempt to climb a swing set with it ... he can try to use it as a dog leash when he is suspose to take the dog for a walk ... he can leave it laying out in the garage and you can trip over it ... he can use it as a lasso.
26. He can steal your heart from the moment that you lay eyes on him ... and your world will never be the same again. You will wonder what you ever did without him entertaining you and keeping you on your feet. Your heart will melt when he smiles at you. Being a Mommy to a little man ... is the best gift EVER!
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Let me set this story up for you before we get to far into this blog post.
For YEARS now ... Clint has been "pulling a penny" out of Eythen's ear whenever he sees a penny laying around the house. He has done it so many times ... that Eythen BEGS him to tell him how he does it. Finally ... we convinced him that he can not know "secret" to the "magic trick" until he is 15 years old. It is really killing the kid that he can not figure out how his Daddy is getting rich off of his ear canal.
About two week ago Eythen asked me if we could go out to eat at McDonalds. I told him that I did not wanna waste the money there ... and I could make something much more tastey. He looked straight at me ... as serious as can be ... and said "I know! Go and find Dad!!! He can pull money out of my ears to pay for McDonalds. Then you will not be wasting your money! We will be wasting the money in my ears."
*insert laugher here*
*insert tears falling down your cheeks because you are laughng so hard here*
*insert snort here because you are laughing so hard*
Well ... I forgot to tell Clint about it ... until ... today.
Wise 'ol Eythen heard use talking about the pennys that magically appear in his ears at the most random moments ... and insisted that Clint pull some more pennies out of his ear.
Lucky for Eythen ... Clint had a few pennies on the kitchen counter. Each time ... Eythen was more amazed. And each time ... Eythen would take that bronze circle ... and put it directly in his pocket.
Clint and I walked back into the living room laughing at the fact that Eythen's eyes got just as big as they did years ago ... each time he pulled another penny out of his ear. In fact ... Clint "found" one in Eythen's nose ... and I am pretty sure Eythen pooped his pants when he handed it to Eythen.
As we were walking back into the living room I told Clint that he should grab a whole handful of change and really shock the crap out of the kid.
Here came Eythen ...
Here came the laughs ...
Eythen's eyes nearly popped out of his head as Clint "tipped" his head sideways and "attempted" to shake some change out of Eythen's ears. As each quarter, nickel, dime and penny fell to the floor ... Eythen gasped and giggled that much more. When he realized that all the money was dried up in his ears ... he quickly picked up all the loose change that was sprinkled across the floor ... put it in his pockets ... and told Clint that he was CERTAIN that his head was a human piggy bank.
Not more than two seconds after the piggy bank dried up ... Eythen saw a $1.00 bill in the kitchen that Clint had layed down on the counter earlier that morning.
He quickly brought it to Clint ...
Eythen: Can you make $29 come out of my ear? Then I could buy the Transformer Lego set that I have been asking you to buy me.
Clint: It does not work that way, buddy. Only pennies.
Eythen: Hey! Today my ears got me some quarters, nickels and dimes, too!!! Maybe my ears could break a $100 bill???
*insert laugher here*
*insert tears falling down your cheeks because you are laughng so hard here*
*insert snort here because you are laughing so hard*
I would just like to apologize to Eythen's 1st grade teacher now ... because I am CERTAIN that when counting money is the lesson for the day ... this whole scenerio will surely come up.
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Eythen: Mommy, tomorrow can we have cowtails for lunch?
Me: What?
Eythen: I want cowtails from Gambinos for lunch tomorrow.
Me: You mean calzone?
Eythen: That's what I said ... cowtails.
The Justin Bieber movie this evening with the kids ... Eythen says:
"Mom! I know what I wanna be when I grow up!
On Fridays I will drive a train.
And on Mondays I am gonna be famous like Justin Bieber!
I better not get a hair cut this summer."
Eythen has been home sick with a fever for three days now.
Which means ... Mommy has been playing legos, Wii, trucks and trains non-stop.
This morning, Eythen asked me to play a Mario game on the Wii.
For the life of me I could not figure out why my controler was not working. Then I suddenly realized that I did not have a little guy on the screen either.
When I asked Eythen what was going on ... he replied with: "Well, you always slow me down and you really don't know how to play. So I thought it would be better if you just sit and watch me instead."
*sigh*
I think it is time for this kid to go back to school.
Fever or no fever ...
Tomorrow he is going back.
I just wanna apologize now to the future Mrs. Eythen Moore.
I have no explanation ...
For some of his actions ...
Hopefully he out grows the whole ... "playing with his food" ... stage ... by the time he hits college.
On the flip side ...
He is very creative ...
And amazing at every sport he has ever attempte in the short 6 years of his life ...
He does have high hopes of becoming a farmer when he grows up ...
Or a cowboy ...
And if those options do not work out ...
There is always the "Super Hero" option.
Unfortunately ...
He has a way of sweet talking the ladies into doing anything for him ...
And he does things at his own "convience" ...
And FORGET about carrying on a conversation with him at times ...
Because he has a way of "blocking people out" when they are 2 feet away from him ...
When he is busy Playing Mario World ...
Most of the time he is "just to busy" to clean his room ...
Good news is ...
He is a sharper dresser ...
And has a killer smile ...
After getting an email from Eythen's kindergarten teacher (you can read that post here) ... I decided to ask the kids one of my favorite questions ...
What do you want to be whe you grow up???
The answers change daily ...
Harleigh: When I grow up I think I am gonna be a vet ... to pay the bills. But I am also gonna work at Dairy Queen so I can eat all the ice cream I want.
(Harleigh is a HUGE pet lover ... but might possibly love sweets even more. I cracked up when she said ... "to pay the bills.")
Breeanna: I think I am gonna be a dance teacher ... after all ... I have been dancing all my life.
(She idolizes her dance teacher, Miss Amanda. But what is even more priceless ... her quote of "I have been dancing all my life. She is only 9 years old ... and has been dancing she she was 3 ... but her statement makes it sound like she is in her 20's.)
Eythen: I think I will work at Casey's. OR!!! I will drive Thomas the Train to see if he really does talk. OR!!! A farmer like Papa Gene because he could give me one of his really big tractors.
(Oh Eythen! Gotta love the kid and his innocence's.)
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Eythen's kindergarten teacher is always cracking up at something my son did or said at school.
Every once in awhle she will email me telling me something hilarious he did or said.
Normally ... in the subject title it says "Your son".
So instantly I kind of panic hoping that he did not do anything to crazy.
Here was the email from her today ...
Jill,
Your son was just discussing with a friend how when he grows up he wants to work at Casey's! You got to love that kid and I thought that you'd be very proud!!
Jen
Lord knows what else he has shared along the way this kindergarten year.
*gulp*
*sigh*
*blushing*
Eythen: Great news Mommy! I get to go to my first sleepover! Brylee invited me over.
Me: Who is Brylee?
Eythen: She is in my class.
Me: SHE?!?!? You are not spending the night at a girls house!!!
*60 second pause*
Eythen: I have a great idea Mommy! I will take my tent and sleep in it at her house. Then it is like I am not even there.
*sigh*
Have you ever had one of "those" nights after you crawl into bed???
Eh-hemmm
*clearning throat*
No ... I do not mean "those" nights.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
Gee Wiz people!!!
I mean the kind of nights that you can NOT sleep.
No. Matter. What.
You have 50 millions things running through your head ... and the harder you try to clear your head ... the more of a cluster f*** it becomes.
UGH!!! I hate those kind of nights.
*yawn*
Yep ... I had one of "those" nights last night.
What makes it worse ... was that I was SO darn tired when Clint and I finally crawled into bed. I could hardly wait for my head to hit the pillow.
I. Was. Exhausted.
Then ... just when I was about to fall asleep ... WHAM ...
Clint starts to snore ...
And my brain starts to go in circles ...
Did I lock the door?
Yeah ... I did.
I think.
*get up to make sure the doors are locked*
Is the SUV payment due this week?
Oh yeah ... my SUV needs gas.
I wonder if gas will go up overnight?
*sigh*
Who is the one that decides this anyways?
Shoot! Eythen has show-n-tell tomorrow.
I can't forget that ... again.
*go downstairs to write myself a note about show-n-tell*
What was that noise?
There is it again.
Maybe I should wake up Clint?!?!?
*insert Clint snoring here*
Did I set my alarm clock?
Maybe I should double check to make sure it is still set for the correct time to go off.
Jill ... really?!?!? You NEVER change the time ... so why wouldn't it be set for the SAME time ... just like EVERY other day?!?!?
*hitting alarm clock button to be sure it is set for the correct time*
Is that the dog I hear taking a bath at the foot of our bed?!?!?
I need to make an appointment for the dog to get groomed.
I really should have shaved my legs before I went to bed.
I need to print off the coupon from CVS tomorrow.
Wait! I can't print it off until I get more ink the in the printer.
*get up to write myself a reminder about printer ink*
Was that one of the kids?!?!
Or was that someone trying to break into the house?!?!?
I did lock the doors ... right?!?!?
Hateing the fact that I wanna go and check to make sure that the doors are locked ... even thought I KNOW they are.
*reach for phone to be sure it is working just in case someone is trying to break in*
Where is my cellphone?!?!
If someone is trying to break in ... and they cut our land line ... I will need my cellphone.
SH*T!!! I think I left it in my SUV.
Great!
We are all gonna die!
*hiding underneath the covers*
MAN Clint snores loud!
*dog gets done taking her bath at the foot of our bed and decides to jump up on the bed and scare the pee out of me*
*scoot closer to Clint for protection*
Man that snore is SO annoying!
Suddenly I realize that I am the closest to the door and will get killed first if someone breaks into our house.
Debate about waking Clint up and asking him to switch sides with me.
See red numbers out of the corner of my eye ... and realizing that the alarm clock says 12:10.
If I fall asleep NOW ... I will get 5 and 1/2 hours of sleep.
*Clint rolls over and takes half of the blankets with him*
*dog decided that sleeping up by my head is the most comfortable place for her*
Did I just see something in the bathroom?
Was that a freaking ghost?!?!
Could this house have spirits in it?!?!?
I wonder if they watch Clint and I ... uhhh ... ummm ... "cuddle in bed".
Ewww!!! We have perveted ghost in our house!!!
HUSH THOUGHTS ... LET ME SLEEP!!!
Can he NOT snore for ONE stinking night?!?!?
*slightly nudge husband*
There ... he stopped.
NOW I can go to sleep.
AWWW MAN!!! I am down to only 5 hours of sleep if I fall asleep RIGHT NOW!!
*Clint starts to snore instantly ... again*
REALLY?!?!?
For crying out loud!!!
*sighing REALLY loud in hopes it wakes Clint up*
*elbow Clint's side in hopes of stopping the earth shaking noise coming from his body*
*move my foot "swiftly" at Clint's body in hopes of SHUTTING HIM UP*
*having vision of putting pillow over Clint's face*
Was that a shadow I saw???
CRAP!!! Either the ghost is haunting me ... or someone broke in ...
Oh wait ... it is just Eythen standing at the foot of the bed ... staring at the wall.
WHAT THE?!?!?
Me: Eythen! What are you doing?
Eythen: Mrs. Sweany told me to stand in line and wait my turn.
*confused look on face*
*noticing I only have 4 1/2 more hours till the BLEEPING alarm goes off*
Me: Eythen ... you are sleep walking ... go back to bed.
Eythen: Can I have some strawberries?
*insert Clint snoring*
Me: Eythen ... go back to bed!
*escorting Eythen back to bed*
*tucking Eythen back into bed*
*kissing Eythen on the forehead*
*walking back to my bedroom when suddenly the cat decided it would be hilarious to leap out of no where and attack my feet*
It is possible that I just peed my pants a little from thinking that a ghost or robber was attacking me ... then suddenly realizing it was the freaking cat.
I am certain that freaking cat is posed or something.
*HUGE red numbers flashing on the alarm clock*
*Clint snoring so loud that China thinks their tornado sirens are going off*
*cat giving me a stare down*
*dog laying sideways on my half of the bed*
Ehhh ... sleep is over rated anyways.
Then again ... if I fall asleep NOW ... I will get 4 hours of sleep.
After I put the kids to bed for the evening ... I turned on a movie in the girls room ... and turned on a movie in Eythen's room ... and kissed them all goodnight.
I thought everyone would fall asleep before the movie was over ...
And I would be able to enjoy some peace and quiet for a few hours before I went to bed ...
*20 minutes later*
Harleigh: MOMMY!
*I see Harleigh standing at the top of the steps*
*sigh*
Me: What Harleigh?
Harleigh: Can I have something to eat?
Me: Uhhhhh .... NO! Go back to bed.
Harleigh: That's not fair! How come Eythen get's something to eat and I don't?!?!?
Me: Eythen is not eating anything.
*in the faint distant I hear Eythen's voice*
Eythen: Yes I am!
Harleigh: Yes he is!
*me with a what the frickity-frack expression on my face*
Harleigh: He is eating a poptart.
*quickly running through my mind if Eythen came down the stairs and asked me if he could have a pop tart and I said yes when I was not paying attention fully*
*double checking my memory*
*pretty darn sure I did not say yes*
*even more sure I did not see Eythen come down the steps*
Me: EYTHEN!!!!
*Eythen peeks over the banister with a poptart in hand*
Me: Eythen! Are you eating a poptart?
Eythen: Yes! You know I like pop tarts.
Me: Where did you get that pop tart?
Eythen: It is my pop tart from breakfast. Remember you said I could eat it in my room while I was playing with my remote control crane?
*me with a blank stare on my face*
Eythen: I did not eat all of it ... and you told me this morning that I better eat all of my breakfast.
Another what the f*** moment in the Moore household.
Harleigh: Mommy, how do animals get the babies out of their tummies?
*sigh* Uhhh ... Not ready for the birds and the bees talk with my 7 year old.
Me: I am not sure. Let me try to find out and I will tell you later.
Harleigh: Maybe Daddy knows?
*giggle*
Me: I am pretty sure your Dad has no idea.
Harleigh: Oh yeah! Mommy's know everything and Daddy's work hard!
*smile*
Eythen: They come out of their butt! Where else could they come out?
*shaking head* *laughing out loud*
