Words of wisdom ...

Eythen: Can I have a chocolate bunny for a snack?

Me: You can have half of it.

Eythen: If I eat the healthy one can I have all of it?

Me: Healthy one?

Eythen: The one that says milk chocolate.

Me: Milk chocolate does not make it healthy.

Eythen: I am pretty sure it is extra milky so that means it is extra healthy with all the milk in the bunny. So can I eat all of it?



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Sh*t my son says ...

Eythen:  Bad news is I found a box of Captain Crunch behind my bed.  Good news is that I must have ate the whole box before it fell behind my bed so none of it went to waste.

I really could not even make this shit up. This is my life ... and sometimes I think I am being punked. 


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Never a dull moment ... NEVER ...

*Eythen and Breeanna pretending like they are ninja's in the kitchen*

*While I am dodging their kicks*

*While trying to make dinner before Harleigh has to be out the door for basketball*

*And Breeanna has to be out the door for dance*

*While calling off Eythen's spelling words*

*Wondering when the hell my husband is gonna get home*

*While debating about opening up a bottle of wine and guzzling it down before Clint walks in the door*

*Realizing that if I am drunk when Clint walks in the door then he has to take AND pick up Harleigh from basketball practice*

*Coming to the understanding that if I chug down a second bottle then Clint has to also take Breeanna to AND from dance class*

Breeanna: Watch it!  You are gonna kick me in the balls if you are not careful!

*I literally drop a jar of tomato sauce out of pure shock*

Me:  What did you just say?

Breeanna:  Nothing.

Me:  Do you even know what that means?

Breeanna: Kids say it in my class all the time.  So I am guessing it is the balls of my feet.  Right?

*All the while her and Eythen are still ninja-ing the shit out of each other*

Me:  One ... we do not talk like that in our house.  Two ... Breeanna ... you do not have balls.  End of story.

Eythen:  Na-Na-Na-Na-Na ... I have balls and you don't!!!

*Turn and give a "what the f*ck look" to my son*

Me:  We do not talk like that.  Got it.

Eythen:  Well ... I do have balls.  Right?

*WHERE the HELL is my husband???*

Me:  Uhh ... yeah.  But do you have a clue what that means?

Eythen:  My butt?

Me:  No.

Eythen.  Oh WAIT!  I know!  My friend at school is always saying "Don't hit my balls" and then he grabs himself like this.  *grabbing his you know what*

Me:  What the hell is happening at recess at your school?  Good lord!

Eythen:  So were are my balls?

*Damn Clint for working late*

Me:  This is a subject that you need to talk to your Dad about. 

*14 seconds later*

Eythen:  Can I call Dad?

Me:  Why?

Eythen:  Because I wanna know where my balls are.

*make that 3 bottle of wine that I am debating about chugging down*

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Shit my son says ...

Me: Eythen get your shoes on it is time to get out the door for basketball practice.

Eythen: I think I am gonna walk there.  See ya.

Me: I don't think so. It is dark outside and you would not be able to see where you are going.

Eythen: My eyes can see in the dark Mom.  I am like a ninja.

Clint: The boogie man will get you if you walk in the dark by yourself.

Eythen: Who exactly is this boogie man that you are talking about?  I have never met him before.  Is he some weird-o or something?



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Shit my son says ...

As I am tucking in Eythen this evening he asked me whom I thought was the smartest person in the family. I replied with "I think everyone is very smart." He looked straight at me and said "It is ok Mom. It is just me and you in here ... you can go ahead and admit that you think it is me."

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Things that make me go ... "What the hell?!?!?!" ...

There are numerous things with this photo that are mind boggling ...

1.  Why did he only take ONE shoe off???

2.  Why didn't he push in the chair when he got up to leave???

3.  Is he walking around the house with ONE shoe on???

4.  Does he have both socks on ... or will I find one sock in the bathroom???

5.  Where exactly is the other shoe???

6.  I really need to mop my floors.

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Mother of the year award ...

That's right people!

I got Mother of the Year Award AGAIN!

Don't be hate'in on me.

Just except the fact that I am mad cool!

I am sure you are wondering why I got this amazing award AGAIN?!?!?!

Well ... let's just say ...

That a shiney red razor + my 7 year old son = a HOT MESS!

Oh yes ... that's right.

My son shaved the back of his head.

The other day I told Eythen to go and take a shower.  Now ... he normally takes a shower in the kids bathroom ... but Breeanna was taking 9 hours washing her hair this paticular day ... so I told Eythen to go and take a shower in my room.

Mistake #1.

As he is taking a shower ... I even thought to myself ... maybe I should go and check on him.  But I didn't.

Mistake #2.

Suddenly ... Eythen comes running towards me crying saying that the back of his head hurt.  I instantly check to see what is wrong.

I suddenly realize that he has some blood on the back of his head.

Me:  EYTHEN!  Are you ok?

I start to scann the rest of him to see if there is blood anywhere else.

Eythen:  *sniffle*  *sniffle*  NO!!!!

Me:  What happened?

Eythen:  I don't know?

Me:  Why is your head bleeding?

Eythen:  I don't know!

Then I notice patches of his hair are gone on the back of his head.

Me:  Eythen ... why do you have hair missing?

Before he could even take a breath ... I suddenly remembered I had just layed out a brand new bright red razor in our shower.

Mistake #3.

Now ... let me just say that Eythen has never once messed with my razors.

Until today.

Me:  Eythen!  Did you touch Mommy's razors?

Eythen:  I don't know.

I take off to my bathroom to find the bright red razor.  And sure enough ... the razor is full of little hair's off the back of Eythen's head.

Crap!

Eythen:  If you did not want me to touch it you should not have left it out for me to touch.  *sniffle*  *sniffle*

Mistake #4.

This is about a week "after" the razor
took off a chunk of my son's head.

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26 things to expect when having a son ...

My little man is the BIG SEVEN TODAY!!!

I know EVERYONE says it ... but it really does seem like yesterday that he was born.

It really feels like I blinked ... and he was no longer a baby.

*tear fall*

So ... as I sit here and look back on the last seven years of me being a Mommy to a little guy ... it has made me realize that he has taught me SO much through out the years.  I thought I would share some of this very important information to all of you ...

1.  ALWAYS check your son's pockets for rocks ... small action figures ... or bugs BEFORE you do his laundry.

2.  Speaking of action figures ... they hurt REALLY bad when you step on them in the middle of the night.

3.  Forget about trying to remember all the names to the Thomas the Train "people" ... there are WAY to many.  BUT ... rest assure that your son will know EVERY single one of their names.

4.  Transformers SUCK at trying to "transform".

5.  G.I. Joe's are NOT Barbie dolls.

6.  Little boys are ALWAYS hungry ... EVEN IF they just ate 8 chicken nuggets and a medium fry from McDonald's.  They will STILL ask for ice cream or half of your hamburger on the way out the door.

7.  Boys are a never ending bundle of energy.  Even at midnight ... they will still ask you to play a Wii game with them.

8.  Oreo cookies ... forget about them lasting more than 24 hours in your household if your son knows that they are in the cabinet.

9.  When it comes to your son brushing their teeth ... you MUST remind them to put toothpaste ON the toothbrush.  If you fail to do this ... then it is YOUR fault if they choose to just brush their teeth with water.

10.  When you see the cat soaking wet ... rest assure that your son most likely tried to give it a bath in the toilet.

11.  Speaking of the toilet ... your son WILL have his hands and feet IN THE TOILET at some point in time.  Promise.

12.  Jeans WILL have holes in the knees ... when it comes to your son's jeans.  EVEN IF you just bought them a pair of $40 jeans 2 weeks prior.

13.  Nerf guns will become a permanet ficture in your living room.

14.  Fruit chews are considered a fruit in your son's eyes.

15.  Your son would be able to live off of chicken nuggets if you allowed him to attempt it.

16.  When it comes to the sand box and your son ... you will have more sand IN your house eventually ... than IN the sandbox.  You might as well check his pockets for sand as well ... when it comes to doing his laundry.

17.  Speaking of his laundry ... forget about him having matching pairs of socks.  Boys loose socks.  Period.  And if you ask them where they put all of their socks ... you will get the same answer every time ... "I don't know".

18.  When you ask your son to pick up his room ... rest assure that you WILL find dirty clothes in their dresser.  You WILL find Wii remotes in their book shelf.  You WILL find  tractors, hot wheels and trains UNDER their covers.  You WILL find food wrappers hidden behind the TV stand.  You WILL find shoes in the toy box.

19.  Your son WILL ruin a brand new outfit that you JUST cut the tags off of within 5 minutes of playing outside.

20.  If you are in your bedroom folding laundry ... and it is quiet down the hall ... something bad is going on.  One option could be ... oh I don't know ... perhaps your son coloring all over your living room walls, hallway and kitchen frig with a permanent marker.

21.  When buying a box of dozen donuts from Krispy Kreme ... ALWAYS ... I repeat ALWAYS put them up IN a cabinet.  DO NOT leave them ON the cabinet ... in arms reach ... for your son.  Otherwise it is YOUR FAULT if he eats a bite out of every single donut.

22.  Stains will magically appear on your son's bedroom carpet ... and he will plead the 5th to having food or juice in his room.

23.  Even if you daughters have not ONCE got a warning in school for talking or misbehaving in class ... your son WILL.  Most likely it will happen often in kindergarten.  He might even set the school record for having the most "yellow days" (yellow days are "warnings" at my kiddos school).

24.  Get use to ER bills and emergency trips to Wal-Greens when it comes to having a boy in your house.  Boys have more bumps, bruises, scraps, cuts, burns and injured body parts than known to man kind.

25.  A jump rope can be used for NUMEROUS things when looked at through your son's eyes.  He can tie it to the back of his bike ... he can tie it around his sisters neck ... he can attempt to climb a swing set with it ... he can try to use it as a dog leash when he is suspose to take the dog for a walk ... he can leave it laying out in the garage and you can trip over it ... he can use it as a lasso.

26. He can steal your heart from the moment that you lay eyes on him ... and your world will never be the same again. You will wonder what you ever did without him entertaining you and keeping you on your feet. Your heart will melt when he smiles at you. Being a Mommy to a little man ... is the best gift EVER!

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Another "what the heck" moment ...

I went to clean the kiddos shower this morning ...

And this is what I found.

I am pretty sure this is Breeanna's doing.

Her showers keep getting longer and longer ...

So I am guessing ... she is finding creative ways to make shampoo come out of the bottle.

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I am gonna be rich!!!

Let me set this story up for you before we get to far into this blog post.

For YEARS now ... Clint has been "pulling a penny" out of Eythen's ear whenever he sees a penny laying around the house.  He has done it so many times ... that Eythen BEGS him to tell him how he does it.  Finally ... we convinced him that he can not know "secret" to the "magic trick" until he is 15 years old.  It is really killing the kid that he can not figure out how his Daddy is getting rich off of his ear canal.

About two week ago Eythen asked me if we could go out to eat at McDonalds.  I told him that I did not wanna waste the money there ... and I could make something much more tastey.  He looked straight at me ... as serious as can be ... and said "I know!  Go and find Dad!!!  He can pull money out of my ears to pay for McDonalds.  Then you will not be wasting your money!  We will be wasting the money in my ears."

*insert laugher here*

*insert tears falling down your cheeks because you are laughng so hard here*

*insert snort here because you are laughing so hard*

Well ... I forgot to tell Clint about it ... until ... today.

Wise 'ol Eythen heard use talking about the pennys that magically appear in his ears at the most random moments ... and insisted that Clint pull some more pennies out of his ear.

Lucky for Eythen ... Clint had a few pennies on the kitchen counter.  Each time ... Eythen was more amazed.  And each time ... Eythen would take that bronze circle ... and put it directly in his pocket.

Clint and I walked back into the living room laughing at the fact that Eythen's eyes got just as big as they did years ago ... each time he pulled another penny out of his ear.  In fact ... Clint "found" one in Eythen's nose ... and I am pretty sure Eythen pooped his pants when he handed it to Eythen.

As we were walking back into the living room I told Clint that he should grab a whole handful of change and really shock the crap out of the kid.

Here came Eythen ...

Here came the laughs ...

Eythen's eyes nearly popped out of his head as Clint "tipped" his head sideways and "attempted" to shake some change out of Eythen's ears.  As each quarter, nickel, dime and penny fell to the floor ... Eythen gasped and giggled that much more.  When he realized that all the money was dried up in his ears ... he quickly picked up all the loose change that was sprinkled across the floor ... put it in his pockets ... and told Clint that he was CERTAIN that his head was a human piggy bank.

Not more than two seconds after the piggy bank dried up ... Eythen saw a $1.00 bill in the kitchen that Clint had layed down on the counter earlier that morning.

He quickly brought it to Clint ...

Eythen:  Can you make $29 come out of my ear?  Then I could buy the Transformer Lego set that I have been asking you to buy me.

Clint:  It does not work that way, buddy.  Only pennies.

Eythen:  Hey!  Today my ears got me some quarters, nickels and dimes, too!!!  Maybe my ears could break a $100 bill???

*insert laugher here*

*insert tears falling down your cheeks because you are laughng so hard here*

*insert snort here because you are laughing so hard*

I would just like to apologize to Eythen's 1st grade teacher now ... because I am CERTAIN that when counting money is the lesson for the day ... this whole scenerio will surely come up.

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Eythen"ism" ...

Eythen: Mommy, tomorrow can we have cowtails for lunch?

Me: What?

Eythen: I want cowtails from Gambinos for lunch tomorrow.

Me: You mean calzone?

Eythen: That's what I said ... cowtails.

While watching ...

The Justin Bieber movie this evening with the kids ... Eythen says:

"Mom! I know what I wanna be when I grow up!

On Fridays I will drive a train.

And on Mondays I am gonna be famous like Justin Bieber!

I better not get a hair cut this summer."

Yippe Skippy ...

One of the many joys of being a Mommy to Eythen ...

Crawling into bed and finding fruit chews stuck to your sheets.

My Promise ...

to Breeanna, Harleigh and Eythen ...

I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, be your worst nightmare and hunt you down like a bloodhound when needed ...

Because I LOVE YOU!

When you understand that, I will know you are a responsible adult.

You will NEVER find someone who loves you, prays for you, cares about you, and worries about you more than I do!!!

I love you three more than life itself!!!

???

Eythen has been home sick with a fever for three days now.

Which means ... Mommy has been playing legos, Wii, trucks and trains non-stop.

This morning, Eythen asked me to play a Mario game on the Wii.

For the life of me I could not figure out why my controler was not working. Then I suddenly realized that I did not have a little guy on the screen either.

When I asked Eythen what was going on ... he replied with:  "Well, you always slow me down and you really don't know how to play. So I thought it would be better if you just sit and watch me instead."

*sigh*

I think it is time for this kid to go back to school.

Fever or no fever ...

Tomorrow he is going back.

The Marvelous Room Cleaning Machine ...

Before I start this blog ... I would just like to throw out there ... that this blog is way late.

Like ... a month late.

Bad Mommy Blogger ... I know!!!

In honor of Dr. Seuss birthday ... Eythen's kindergarten class was required to create a "Marvelous Room Cleaning Machine" of their own.

They came home with this piece of paper (see photo below) requesting that they draw their Marvelous Room Cleaning Machine on the piece of paper ... and then make one of their own.

Eythen suggested that he just draw a photo of me ...

Clever ...

He is just so darn clever ...

*sigh*

I was kind of thinking that it would be something "small" and "cute" and "convient"!!!

You know ...

Like the size of a dust buster!!!

Clint on the other hand ...

Veto'd my idea immediately of "small" and "cute" and "convient" ...

Eythen and Daddy had a WHOLE different idea brewing in their heads ... 

And it had NOTHING to do with Mommy ...


OR ...


"small" and "cute" and "convient"

Clint ...

And Eythen ...

Thought BIGGER WAS BETTER.

It took alot of time ...

And concentration ...

And planning ....

But Eythen and his Daddy completed the Marvelous Room Cleaning Machine.

They are both firm believers ...

That you either GO BIG OR GO HOME.

Me on the other hand ...

Still thought that  "small" and "cute" and "convient" was a good thing.

I had visions of my son taking someout out as he was walking down the hallway of his school ...

While taking his Marvelous Room Cleaning Machine to his classroom.

Or thinking that it would be a "good idea" to try to suck up the principal with his Marvelous Room Cleaning Machine.

Or attempting to use the EXTREMELY long tube as a bat while sitting in line waiting for the school bell to ring.

So Mommy escorted Eythen and his GO BIG OR GO HOME Marvelous Room Cleaning Machine to the kindergarten classroom ...

Just to be on the safe side.

Kind of the size of a dust buster ...

So sorry ...

I just wanna apologize now to the future Mrs. Eythen Moore.

I have no explanation ...

For some of his actions ...

Hopefully he out grows the whole ... "playing with his food" ... stage ... by the time he hits college.

On the flip side ...

He is very creative ...

And amazing at every sport he has ever attempte in the short 6 years of his life ...

He does have high hopes of becoming a farmer when he grows up ...

Or a cowboy ...

And if those options do not work out ...

There is always the "Super Hero" option.

Unfortunately ...

He has a way of sweet talking the ladies into doing anything for him ...

And he does things at his own "convience" ...

And FORGET about carrying on a conversation with him at times ...

Because he has a way of  "blocking people out" when they are 2 feet away from him ...

When he is busy Playing Mario World ...

Most of the time he is "just to busy" to clean his room ...

Good news is ...

He is a sharper dresser ...

And has a killer smile ...

What do you want to be when you grow up?!?!?!

After getting an email from Eythen's kindergarten teacher (you can read that post here) ... I decided to ask the kids one of my favorite questions ...

What do you want to be whe you grow up???

The answers change daily ...

Harleigh: When I grow up I think I am gonna be a vet ... to pay the bills.  But I am also gonna work at Dairy Queen so I can eat all the ice cream I want.
(Harleigh is a HUGE pet lover ... but might possibly love sweets even more.  I cracked up when she said ... "to pay the bills.")

Breeanna: I think I am gonna be a dance teacher ... after all ... I have been dancing all my life.
(She idolizes her dance teacher, Miss Amanda.  But what is even more priceless ... her quote of  "I have been dancing all my life.  She is only 9 years old ... and has been dancing she she was 3 ... but her statement makes it sound like she is in her 20's.)

Eythen: I think I will work at Casey's. OR!!! I will drive Thomas the Train to see if he really does talk.  OR!!!  A farmer like Papa Gene because he could give me one of his really big tractors.

(Oh Eythen!  Gotta love the kid and his innocence's.)

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Email from the teacher ...

Eythen's kindergarten teacher is always cracking up at something my son did or said at school.

Every once in awhle she will email me telling me something hilarious he did or said.

Normally ... in the subject title it says "Your son".

So instantly I kind of panic hoping that he did not do anything to crazy.

Here was the email from her today ...

Jill,

Your son was just discussing with a friend how when he grows up he wants to work at Casey's! You got to love that kid and I thought that you'd be very proud!!

Jen

Lord knows what else he has shared along the way this kindergarten year. 

*gulp*

*sigh*

*blushing*

*sigh* ...

Eythen: Great news Mommy! I get to go to my first sleepover! Brylee invited me over.

Me: Who is Brylee?

Eythen: She is in my class.

Me: SHE?!?!? You are not spending the night at a girls house!!!

*60 second pause*

Eythen: I have a great idea Mommy! I will take my tent and sleep in it at her house. Then it is like I am not even there.

*sigh*