Friday, February 10, 2012

Never a dull moment ... NEVER ...

*Eythen and Breeanna pretending like they are ninja's in the kitchen*

*While I am dodging their kicks*

*While trying to make dinner before Harleigh has to be out the door for basketball*

*And Breeanna has to be out the door for dance*

*While calling off Eythen's spelling words*

*Wondering when the hell my husband is gonna get home*

*While debating about opening up a bottle of wine and guzzling it down before Clint walks in the door*

*Realizing that if I am drunk when Clint walks in the door then he has to take AND pick up Harleigh from basketball practice*

*Coming to the understanding that if I chug down a second bottle then Clint has to also take Breeanna to AND from dance class*

Breeanna: Watch it!  You are gonna kick me in the balls if you are not careful!

*I literally drop a jar of tomato sauce out of pure shock*

Me:  What did you just say?

Breeanna:  Nothing.

Me:  Do you even know what that means?

Breeanna: Kids say it in my class all the time.  So I am guessing it is the balls of my feet.  Right?

*All the while her and Eythen are still ninja-ing the shit out of each other*

Me:  One ... we do not talk like that in our house.  Two ... Breeanna ... you do not have balls.  End of story.

Eythen:  Na-Na-Na-Na-Na ... I have balls and you don't!!!

*Turn and give a "what the f*ck look" to my son*

Me:  We do not talk like that.  Got it.

Eythen:  Well ... I do have balls.  Right?

*WHERE the HELL is my husband???*

Me:  Uhh ... yeah.  But do you have a clue what that means?

Eythen:  My butt?

Me:  No.

Eythen.  Oh WAIT!  I know!  My friend at school is always saying "Don't hit my balls" and then he grabs himself like this.  *grabbing his you know what*

Me:  What the hell is happening at recess at your school?  Good lord!

Eythen:  So were are my balls?

*Damn Clint for working late*

Me:  This is a subject that you need to talk to your Dad about. 

*14 seconds later*

Eythen:  Can I call Dad?

Me:  Why?

Eythen:  Because I wanna know where my balls are.

*make that 3 bottle of wine that I am debating about chugging down*

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