*Eythen and Breeanna pretending like they are ninja's in the kitchen*
*While I am dodging their kicks*
*While trying to make dinner before Harleigh has to be out the door for basketball*
*And Breeanna has to be out the door for dance*
*While calling off Eythen's spelling words*
*Wondering when the hell my husband is gonna get home*
*While debating about opening up a bottle of wine and guzzling it down before Clint walks in the door*
*Realizing that if I am drunk when Clint walks in the door then he has to take AND pick up Harleigh from basketball practice*
*Coming to the understanding that if I chug down a second bottle then Clint has to also take Breeanna to AND from dance class*
Breeanna: Watch it! You are gonna kick me in the balls if you are not careful!
*I literally drop a jar of tomato sauce out of pure shock*
Me: What did you just say?
Breeanna: Nothing.
Me: Do you even know what that means?
Breeanna: Kids say it in my class all the time. So I am guessing it is the balls of my feet. Right?
*All the while her and Eythen are still ninja-ing the shit out of each other*
Me: One ... we do not talk like that in our house. Two ... Breeanna ... you do not have balls. End of story.
Eythen: Na-Na-Na-Na-Na ... I have balls and you don't!!!
*Turn and give a "what the f*ck look" to my son*
Me: We do not talk like that. Got it.
Eythen: Well ... I do have balls. Right?
*WHERE the HELL is my husband???*
Me: Uhh ... yeah. But do you have a clue what that means?
Eythen: My butt?
Me: No.
Eythen. Oh WAIT! I know! My friend at school is always saying "Don't hit my balls" and then he grabs himself like this. *grabbing his you know what*
Me: What the hell is happening at recess at your school? Good lord!
Eythen: So were are my balls?
*Damn Clint for working late*
Me: This is a subject that you need to talk to your Dad about.
*14 seconds later*
Eythen: Can I call Dad?
Me: Why?
Eythen: Because I wanna know where my balls are.
*make that 3 bottle of wine that I am debating about chugging down*
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