Boys are just gross ...

There will be no blogging today.

I am on a mission.

It is ...

Mission clean up Eythen's war zone.

Boys are just gross.

Plain. And. Simple.

I am not even 1/4 of a way INTO his room and I have alrady found dirty socks, fruit chew wrappers, stepped on 856 legos, found parts to Transformers ... but not the whole Transformer, a banana peel (I am 95% sure I responded with "No" yesterday when he asked me if he could eat his banana upstairs last night.  But then again ... I was talking to Clint on the phone for his evening break and making dinner ... so the blame could be on me.  Possibly.  I can spot a dirty towel, a fork and Breeanna's dance bag in the horizon.

Heaven help me.

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Come on in ...

Dirty dishes prove I feed my family ...

A full trash can means I clean up after them ...

Messy floors mean I let my children have fun ...

A pile of laundry means I keep my family in clean clothes ...

A wet bathroom means I bathe my kids.

So the next time you walk into my house and see a "mess" think twice before you judge.

If you come over to see us, come on in...if you're coming over to see my house, please make an appointment.

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How many hours are in the day?!?!?

Today is one of those days that there are NOT enough hours in the day.

Not even close.

*sigh*

AND ... there are not enough of me to go around.

*double sigh*

I have exactly 7 1/2 hours till the kids get home to get all the "house duties" taken care of today.  And it is a big list today.  Since the kids did not have school yesterday ... I put them to work ... but you know how that goes.  My 10 year old and 8 year old do a pretty good job ... if they are bribed well enough.  My 7 year old ... well ... let's just say ... that I am pretty sure he deliberately throws his dirty underware in the hallway and sticks the Wii remotes on the bathroom counter ... just so I get aggervated enough ... that I take care of his room myself.  He learns from the best though ... my husband is the king of "I will get to it" ... and then I end up taking care of it myself.  So ... Eythen is just soaking up all of the knowledge that his Daddy is teaching him ... and putting it to use with his Mommy.

Anyways ... It is now 9:30 am and I am already ready for a nap.

*yawn*

Beds are made ... including my sheets and bedspread are in the washer due to the little present that Harleigh's dog decided to leave on my bed this morning.

*sigh*

Dinner is in the oven for this evening.

Clint's lunch is already made for tomorrow and in the frig.

Dishes are washed ... but they are not put away yet.  Any volunteers?

Kitchen is scrubbed.

Bathrooms are scrubbed ... except the bathtubs.  Any volunteers?

Went and got stamps ... paid bills ... and ran to the post office to mail them all.  Stamps are so darn expensive.  I am starting to think it might be cheeper to hand deliver some of them anymore.  Even if the places are 6 states away.

I went through Eythen's closet and pulled out all of the clothes that will not fit him much longer.  When I started this project ... I thought there might be a clothes basket full ... which is why I started the pile in the middle of his room.  I thought it would be a quick "in and out" project ... but 45 minutes later ... the pile is up to my hips and 6 piles deep.  So ... I am in a bit of a pickle now.  I have no where to put the clothes ... and they are in the MIDDLE of my 7 year olds bedroom ... which is plays in every day after school.  Crap!

Laundry that I did yesterday ... are all put in drawers and hung up and put away in closests.

I just need to vacuum, sweep and mop.  Now ... this HAS to be done while the kids are at school.  A MUST.  It also has to be done while my hubby is at work.  If I fail to do so ... then I will have spilled juice on the kitchen floor 30 minutes after mopping and muddy boot footprints 20 minutes after I mopped.  It is just a little known fact.  IF I make sure that I do it while no one is in the house ... then I have at least a hour of clean and sparkling floors.  Well ... that is until the dog decides to throw up on the kitchen floor ... 15 minutes after I mop.

Once school is out today ... it is go time.

Literally.

Harleigh and Breeanna have private dance lessons first thing this evening.

Breeanna has an away volleyball game shortly after.

Eythen has football practice while Breeanna's volleyball game is going on.

Harleigh has tap/ballet dance class just when Eythen's football practice is just about done and over with.

OH ... did I mention that my hard working husband is working a 16 hour shift ... and will not be home until well after the kids are home and sound asleep.

*head spinning*

I have NO FLIPPING CLUE how single parents do it.  God Bless each and every one of them.  I would loose my mind.  Literally.  I already feel like I need to be in a psych ward about 22 hours out of each day ... and that is on a good day.  Thank goodness Clint and I have made some amazing friends in this town to help us out in situations like this.  You each know who you are ... and we TRUELY appreciate the help that you bless us with on days like this. 

Thank you!

We owe each of you amazing friends some wine or beer!  Clint is working enough over time this week ... that I will be sure he hits the liquor store on his way home on Friday.

*cheers*

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Time to get my clean on ...

If you are reading this ... then that means you survived summer vacation and are back in the full swing of things ... and in a school routine!

*high five*

I was not sure we were gonna make it a few times this past summer.  It was hit or miss every now and then.  I am pretty sure we even flat lined once or twice.

BUT ... we got through the summer break ... and the yellow bus pulled away with the little inmates waving frantically at us as we stood on the sidewalk with big smiles going across our face ... a few weeks ago.

*pat on back*

Now that my children are back in school ... it is go time for me!

Time to get my clean on.

That means I have exactly 8 hours to get my house sparkling clean, smelling pinesol fresh and bleach the shit out of the place.

Handprints ... gone!!!

Stains on carpet ... kind of gone!!!

Sticky stuff spilled on kitchen floor ... gone!!!

Toothpaste streaks in bathroom sink ... gone!!!

Pee all over the toilet ... and bathroom wall ... GONE!!!
Yes ... you read right.  Pee on the bathroom WALL!!!  I have NO idea how it happened ... but it did.  I am chalking it up to a learning experience for the little guy.

Quiet time while I ate lunch ... YOU BETCH YA!!!

Random crayons in random spots through out the house ... gone!!!

Closets organized ... done!!!!

Kids dresser drawers cleaned out ... kind of!!!
Not sure how we have 18 pairs of mix matched socks.  No. Flippin. Clue.

Kitty litter changed ... I will wait for Clint on that one!!!

Everything dusted ... done!!!

Bookshelf organized ... done!!!

Behind the frig and stove cleaned ... again ... I will wait for Clint on this one.

Pantry organized with all the lables facing forward and in a straight in ... this was already done.
Yes ... I am pretty sure I am OCD.

Koolaid wiped up that got spilt in the frig during the first week of summer vacation ... gone!!!

Couches cleaned ... done!!!
And I am 75 cents richer!!!

DONE!!!  I got it all done!!!  With 45 minutes to spare.  Now all I have to do ... is manage to keep it clean when the 3 little minions come barrelling through the house like a freaking EF-5 tornado.

Mmmmm ... how can I get my point across that I really enjoy the house smelling like Mr. Clean and not fruitchews with a hint of mud and a dash of koolaid????

Hazmat suits seem to be the only logically solution to keeping my house spotless when the children are in it.  So ... until I figure out how to get my hands on 5 of them ... this is how I decided to keep the house clean in the mean time.

It seems pretty logical to me?!?!

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I am ...

having a "want to clean my house with a black garbage bag" kind of day.
.

No No No ...

THINGS NOT TO DO WHEN YOU ARE LOCKED IN A HOUSE WITH 1 MEAN LAZY BALL OF FUR CAT, 1 CRAZY CUTE DOG, 3 MESSY ANGELS FOR CHILDREN, 1 HUSBAND WHOM IS ANNOYING YOU SO DARN SWEET IT MAKES YOUR TEETH HURT BECAUSE A BLIZZARD HAS TORE THROUGH YOUR TOWN AND LEFT 11 INCHES OF SNOW WHICH CAUSED SCHOOL TO BE CANCELED 3 DAYS IN A ROW AND IT IS SO COLD OUTSIDE THAT YOU CAN NOT EVEN GO TO THE GROCERY STORE TO GET A GALLON OF MILK JUST TO ESCAPE THE MADNESS FOR 15 MINUTES.

(longest title EVER known to man-kind for a blog post)

*  Do not play Uno with your 9 year old ... whom is already out for blood ... due to the factor that you have beat her 9568 times during the past two days. 

Why you might ask?!?!?  Well ... let me just tell you that it involves the 9 year old secretly plotting out how to play every single Draw 4, Skip and Reverse in all 4 colors ... when you somehow ended up with the crappiest hand ever delt.

*  Do not agree on allowing the kids get out the Play Dough while you are in the shower. 

AND when they come back and ask you if they can get out ALL of the Play Dough ... while you are in the process of shavng your legs ... which have not been shaved for nearly a week ... and you already cut yourself once ... because you had to get out of the shower and get a new razor ... because you made the blade on the other razor go dull with all the madness growing on your legs ...

Take a moment BEFORE YOU ANSWER. 

DO NOT say yes instantly.

DO NOT DO IT!

Just because you have blood running down your leg ... because of the new flippin razor ... that just cut you AGAIN ... due to a child running into the bathroom ... screaming "MOMMY!" ... and it scared the pee out of you ... and you cut yourself ... AGAIN!

Take a moment to be sure what you are agreeing to.

If you just instantly say, "FINE".  You will be making a BIG mistake.  Due to the factor that your Mother-in-law got the kids 3 buckets of EIGHT POUNDS of Play Dough for Christmas ... and your own Mother got the children every Play Dough toy known to man kind for Christmas as well.

A big fat mess will be patiently waiting for you once you get done with that shower.

*  When you and your husband take the children sledding ... in snow drifts that are up to your hips ... do not wear your pretty Ugg boots with no fuzzy socks on your feet. 

I promise you ... you will want to go home WAY before the kids are ready to go home.

*  Also ... when your husband "suggest" to your 6 year old son ... to let him give him a little "boost" down the hill.  Grab your 6 year old son ... and run!  Run FAST! 

If you do not do this ... your husband is likely to SHOVE your 6 year old son so hard down the hill ... that he will go air born at some point in time ... fly off of his sled ... and land face first in the snow.

*  When the kids ask if they can dump all of the legos on the living room floor to build something ... direct them back up the stairs and inform them that dumping it on their bedroom floor would be WAY more fun. 

Otherwise ... when it comes time to picking up the legos ... 3 children will somehow miss NUMEROUS itty bitty legos ... and you WILL step on them in the dark as you are locking up the house.

And it will hurt. 

BAD.

*  When your husband gets his first snow day in FIVE YEARS ... don't get to excited. 

He will discover that 2 other neighbors also got a snow day and he will end up leaving to have lunch with them ... while you are sitting the kitchen table having macaroni and cheese for the 67th time this past month.

*  DO NOT mop your floor 2 days prior of a blizzard. 

It is a waste of time.

Kids + snow boots = muddy snow piles

*  Do not assume that since you told your children to take off their snowy boots at the front door ... that you do not have to instruct your husband of the samething. 

If you assume that he "knows" to do this ... it will only upset you later ... when you see the muddy mess that he is standing in smack dab in the middle of the kitchen.

That you mopped 2 days prior.

*  When going to the grocery store to get milk the night before the blizzard is gonna hit ... don't forget the liquor store on your way home. 

No seriously. 

Don't forget it. 

I did ... and I am paying the price now.

*  While taking a nap in your nice warm bed on Day 1 of the blizzard ... be sure you wake up completely when you 8 year old comes and ask you if she can have a snack. 

If you do not wake up completely ... and just say "Yes". 

It is likely that she will reply with "Can I eat what ever I want".

This is the criticial part!

Are you ready for this?!?!?!

Even if you are still in the middle of your dream of being on a beach in a bikini with no stretch marks looking hot as ever drinking a yummy drink ... and reply with "Yes". 

Be prepared!

Because when you wake up from your dream and realize you are still on lock down ... and venture down the stairs.  It is possible ... that you will see ice cream bar wrappers on the cabinet, empty cereal box, yogurt in the trash and other items you did not even know you had bought in the past few years sprawled along the cabinet.

Oh yeah ... you will also have 3 kids on a major sugar high at that point in time.

*  When you decide it would be a great idea to get all 3 light brights out and have the kids make a cool design ... then shut off all the lights ... and admire their creations ... 

Be sure you deep down realize that since it was your idea ... you will most likely be the one picking up the mess. 

AND ... when you step on something that night as you are locking up the downstairs ... remember it is your own fault.

*  When your 8 year old comes up with the plan of folding up pieces of paper and cutting the smallest pieces out of the paper in hopes of making a snow flake as an afternoon project ... have the shop-vac on standby.

*  When your 9 year old and 8 year old decide to play dress up ... and they go into the bathroom and shut the door ... and you hear ALOT of giggles seeping out from underneath the door ... and you hear your son saying "I am gonna tell Mom" ...

Do not just sit downstairs and roll your eyes and decided that you will deal with it later.

Later will involve your son's face being covered in makeup to make him look like a monster ... when he actually looks more like a hooker after a really bad night.

* Do not play Candy Land with your son if he has a competive edge and hates loosing.

Send him immediately to your husband to play the game instead.

Otherwise ... you will suddenly have a cute little gingerbread man flying past your nose ... and a sweet little voice that suddenly sounds like a linebacker for the Chicago Bears saying "I quit" ... because he drew a gum drop and had to basically start back over.

Last but not least ...

*  When taking the kids sledding ... and your husband sits down on one of the sleds and ask your son to sit on his lap ... declare it is time to go. 

Right then and there!

If you do not demand everyone to load up and head home ... you will have your husband flying one way off the sled ... while your son goes the other way. 

While you so badly wanna laugh at your husband who toppled head over feet numerous times down the hill and now has snow covering his entire face ... you are more concerned about your son who suddenly has a dazed look on his face ... while looking around ... not sure who to blame for his sudden dislike of sledding.

When I woke up this morning ...

... I was shocked to see that my house was broken into.  They did not take anything ... just threw clothes on the floor, dropped shoes on the stairs, smeared food all over the dishes and left legos out on the counter.  I'd clean it up ... but you know ... evidence for the FBI.