*sigh*

I swear ... if I did not talk to myself ... the only words I would say some days would be "No" and "Stop tackling your sisters".

*sigh*


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How many hours are in the day?!?!?

Today is one of those days that there are NOT enough hours in the day.

Not even close.

*sigh*

AND ... there are not enough of me to go around.

*double sigh*

I have exactly 7 1/2 hours till the kids get home to get all the "house duties" taken care of today.  And it is a big list today.  Since the kids did not have school yesterday ... I put them to work ... but you know how that goes.  My 10 year old and 8 year old do a pretty good job ... if they are bribed well enough.  My 7 year old ... well ... let's just say ... that I am pretty sure he deliberately throws his dirty underware in the hallway and sticks the Wii remotes on the bathroom counter ... just so I get aggervated enough ... that I take care of his room myself.  He learns from the best though ... my husband is the king of "I will get to it" ... and then I end up taking care of it myself.  So ... Eythen is just soaking up all of the knowledge that his Daddy is teaching him ... and putting it to use with his Mommy.

Anyways ... It is now 9:30 am and I am already ready for a nap.

*yawn*

Beds are made ... including my sheets and bedspread are in the washer due to the little present that Harleigh's dog decided to leave on my bed this morning.

*sigh*

Dinner is in the oven for this evening.

Clint's lunch is already made for tomorrow and in the frig.

Dishes are washed ... but they are not put away yet.  Any volunteers?

Kitchen is scrubbed.

Bathrooms are scrubbed ... except the bathtubs.  Any volunteers?

Went and got stamps ... paid bills ... and ran to the post office to mail them all.  Stamps are so darn expensive.  I am starting to think it might be cheeper to hand deliver some of them anymore.  Even if the places are 6 states away.

I went through Eythen's closet and pulled out all of the clothes that will not fit him much longer.  When I started this project ... I thought there might be a clothes basket full ... which is why I started the pile in the middle of his room.  I thought it would be a quick "in and out" project ... but 45 minutes later ... the pile is up to my hips and 6 piles deep.  So ... I am in a bit of a pickle now.  I have no where to put the clothes ... and they are in the MIDDLE of my 7 year olds bedroom ... which is plays in every day after school.  Crap!

Laundry that I did yesterday ... are all put in drawers and hung up and put away in closests.

I just need to vacuum, sweep and mop.  Now ... this HAS to be done while the kids are at school.  A MUST.  It also has to be done while my hubby is at work.  If I fail to do so ... then I will have spilled juice on the kitchen floor 30 minutes after mopping and muddy boot footprints 20 minutes after I mopped.  It is just a little known fact.  IF I make sure that I do it while no one is in the house ... then I have at least a hour of clean and sparkling floors.  Well ... that is until the dog decides to throw up on the kitchen floor ... 15 minutes after I mop.

Once school is out today ... it is go time.

Literally.

Harleigh and Breeanna have private dance lessons first thing this evening.

Breeanna has an away volleyball game shortly after.

Eythen has football practice while Breeanna's volleyball game is going on.

Harleigh has tap/ballet dance class just when Eythen's football practice is just about done and over with.

OH ... did I mention that my hard working husband is working a 16 hour shift ... and will not be home until well after the kids are home and sound asleep.

*head spinning*

I have NO FLIPPING CLUE how single parents do it.  God Bless each and every one of them.  I would loose my mind.  Literally.  I already feel like I need to be in a psych ward about 22 hours out of each day ... and that is on a good day.  Thank goodness Clint and I have made some amazing friends in this town to help us out in situations like this.  You each know who you are ... and we TRUELY appreciate the help that you bless us with on days like this. 

Thank you!

We owe each of you amazing friends some wine or beer!  Clint is working enough over time this week ... that I will be sure he hits the liquor store on his way home on Friday.

*cheers*

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The day Mommy lost it ...

I was reading a fellow Mommy bloggers post today ... and she was blogging about how she locked her keys in the car ... with her children in it.

*panic*

I laughed the whole way through her blog post ... because I could TOTALLY relate.

Yes ... unfortunately ... I locked my children in the car at one point in my Mommy experience as well.  Reading her blog post ... made me flash back to that instant moment that I completely lost it in the Old Navy parking lot. 

Completely. Lost. It.

I am CERTAIN that if there were security cameras in that parking lot ... at that time ... I would have been on the local news ... requesting anyone to call 911 if they had ever seen this psycho Mom on the loose.

Let me set up the scenerio for you.

It is a doozy.

I promise.

Breeanna was 6 ... Harleigh was 5 ... and Eythen was 3.  It was past dinner time.  It was getting dark and pretty cool outside.  AND my husband had been living THREE hours away for the past FOUR months ... for a job site that he was running ... AND we had only seen him 3 times in this duration of time span.

So ... as you can already see ... I was tired ... cranky ... hungry ... cold ... ready for it to be bed time for my 3 children ... needing a glass of wine ... and sex deprieved ... all at the sametime.

As we came out of the Old Navy parking lot ... I loaded up all 3 kids in their carseats ... put my purse in the front seat ... layed my keys in the console ... and started to get in the SUV while holding the Old Navy bags in my hand.

As I hopped into the front seat ... I suddenly realized that the girls bookbags were in the front seat ... so I decided that I was gonna put the Old Navy bags in the back end of the Sequoia.

I hopped out.

Locked the door.

Shut the door.

Went to the back of the SUV ... and began to hit my head on the backend of my Sequoia.

My. Keys. Were. In. The. Console.

My. Children. Were. Buckled. Up.

My. Husband. Was. Three. Hours. Away.

Shit.

I walked around to the backseat windows and tried peering in through the VERY dark tinted windows.

Whose brillant idea was it to tint these stupid windows?!?!?

I tried hand gestures ...

I tried crying ...

I tried screaming ...

At the kids through the dark ass windows.

Finally ... Breeanna unbuckled ... and I motioned her to the front seat.

Suddenly ... I turned into a crazed mime ... doing hand gestures ... trying to get Breeanna to hit the unlock button on the door handle.

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

Mother F**ker!!!  Breeanna hit the panic button on the door handle ... not the unlock button!!!

Who the heck puts a panic button in a car?!?!?  Stupid car makers!!!

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

Breeanna takes off to the 3rd row seating of the car ... crying.

I walked around in a crazed circle for about 55 seconds ...

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

I might have even been possibly screaming to myself while pulling at my hair at this point in time ... but the world will never know for sure ... because there were no security cameras to catch this break down that I was going through.

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

I walked back to the passenger side windows and began frantically hitting the windows ... begging for Breeanna to come back to the front seat.  I could barely see her through the tinted windows ... hiding in the third row seating.

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

Out of the corner of my eye ... I noticed a couple sitting in their car ... watching the comedy/horror movie that was playing out right before them.  If they would of had time to pop some popcorn ... I am pretty sure they would have.  I am also pretty sure they were debating on calling 911.

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

Suddenly I see tramatized little Harleigh come to the front seat.

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

*BEEP*


I start frantically pointing and screaming "HIT THE UNLOCK BUTTON"!!!

She just keeps shrugging her shoulders.

*BEEP*


*BEEP*


*BEEP*

I mumble some more cuss words.

She shruggs her shoulders some more.

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

*BEEP*


I start to hit the window begging her to HIT THE UNLOCK BUTTON!!!


FINALLY ... what seems like 4 hours of this STUPID car alarm going off ... she hits the unlock button.

I bust my way into the car ... turn off the panic button ... start the car ... and PEEL OUT of the Old Navy parking lot before the cops show up and take me away.  All the while I am trying to console 3 tramatized children from having to have see a therapist when they are grown up due to this ordeal I just put us in.

*sigh*

And yes ... I drank a bottle of wine that night.

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Being a Mom ...

I have had the honor of being the CEO of the Moore household (AKA: Fancy word for Stay At Home Mom) for almost 5 years now ... and I have truely enjoyed every single moment of it.  Sure ... a paycheck every now and then would be nice.  I would make a butt load with all the overtime that I put in.  Shoot ... a pat on the back saying the the toilets were looking extremely sparkly today would be great ...

Anyways ...

I would like to share with you somethings that I have learned over the years about being a Mommy.

Such as ...

I have found myself at times standing in Target ... praying that people realize that the actions and comments of my children were not a reflection of my parenting skills.  For example ... it is not my fault that my daughters use to pull up their dresses saying "look at my belly button" to anyone pushing a big red kart ... when they were toddlers.  Not. My. Fault. 

I am a human calendar who can remember dentist appointments, when trash pick up day was, when homework was due, who was which activity on which night at what time ... but I can never remember why I walked into the kitchen.

My laundry seems to multiple like rabbits.

There are days that I am certain my children hid my sanity in their toybox.

Things like: "Get out of the toilet", "Stop biting your sister", "Get your hands out of your pants" "Quit licking your brother" were suddenly coming out of my mouth through out the day.

Adult conversation ... is something I truely miss ... which might be why I carry on a conversation with the lady behind the cash register for a bit to long.

Sometimes I am so tired that I wash the living room floor, fold the dishes, wash the laundry, and straighten up the closets ... and that is on a good day.

Most days all I hear is: Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy,  ... alllll day long.  (Think you are tired of reading it ... think how I feel some days.  *sigh*)

Finding fruit snacks embedded in my sheets became a daily routine.

I realized that all the Moms out there that make being a Mom look so effortless and glorious ... are big fat lairs.  I am onto you bitches!!!

I realized really quick ... that taking my kids to school in PJ pants was A-OK in my book ... and a baseball cap every now and then to cover up my uncombed hair.

My alarm now consist of: "Mommy I am hungry"  "Mommy we are out of milk"  "Mommy are you asleep".

I realized I was a true Mommy when I was refering to the restroom as "The Potty" ... even around adults.

Before I had kids ... silence was silence ... now it just means that my kids are doing something that they are trying to hide from me.

I realized that being a good Mom means leaving the bathroom door open when I go pee ... so I can save my kids the hassel of opening and shutting the door when I am in the bathroom.

The only was I am gonna get 10 minutes of conversation on the phone ... without interuptions ... is locking myself in the closet ... and whispering.

I am a Stay At Home Mom ... which sometimes get confused with MAID.

Going grocery shopping by myself ... is sometimes the highlight of my week.

My children can be sitting on the couch NEXT TO my husband ... but still come and ask me for a glass of milk ... even though I am at the opposite end of the house ... in the shower.

I have an excuse for being bitchy ... it is because I am oncall 24/7 with no vacation days.

My lunch consist of mac-n-cheese 4 out of 5 days a week ... and a PJ&J sandwich on the other day.

There are always dishes in the sink.

I know all the words to the BackYardigan theme song ... as well as Dora the Explorer ... Wizards of Waverly Place ... and Hanna Montanna.

I definately think that my kids have the coolest Mom ... Certain. Of. It.

Somedays I debate about changing my name from Mommy to Shit ... go ahead kids ... I dare you to call me now.

I only take credit for the first 9 months ... after that they were exposed to their Dad. 

BUT ... on the flip side ... as the minutes turn into days ... and the days turn into weeks ... and the weeks turn into years ... I can not imagine any other career that I would enjoy more ... than being the CEO of my household or better known as M.O.M. ... Manager of Multitasking.

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Peace Out Homies ...

Just a thought ...

After sitting through 7 years of tech and dress rehersals ... I have came up with a brillant idea.

Wine should be served to all the Mommy's for a number of reasons:

1) I get thirsty sitting in the audience.

2) The wine might help me not notice that my girls are shaking body parts that I did not know they knew how to shake.

3) It will make the time go faster.

4) The alcohol might put me into a state of mind that I forget for a brief moment how much money we forked over this past year for there 2 minutes of stardom.

5) I like wine.

I wonder if ...

... the National Guard delivers wine in emergency situations?!?!?

I think being locked in a house for multiple days with 1 mean cat, 1 annoying dog, 3 children whom have made it their goal to destroy my nice clean house and 1 husband whom is going stir crazy ... qualifies as a state of emergency in my eyes.

I hate Mondays ...

Monday's are so darn busy for us.  Well ... let me rephrase that ... Monday's are so darn busy for Harleigh.  It just so happens ... that the 3 activities that she is involved in at the moment ... ALL fall on Monday. 

Every. Single. One. Of. Them.  *ugh*

So once school is let out ... I am running around ... better yet ... driving around ... like a chicken with my head cut off. 

We have to fly drive carefully back to the house so Harleigh can get changed into her leotard for gymnastics ... which means she leaves a trail of clothing along the way for Mommy to pick up once the night is over. 

All 3 kids unload their bookbags at lighting speed ... and suddenly I have a tornado of papers coming at me at once ...

Some need signed ...

Some need complemented on a job well done ...

Some need to be hung on the frig for the world to admire ...

Some need to go in the trash when Eythen is not looking because he is CERTAIN I need to save every single thing that he brings home ...

Some things are for me to read ...

Somethings are art projects sent home for one of the kids to make and then get sent back to school.  AKA:  Mommy needs to make a mental note to remember that she has to go to Hobby Lobby to buy the supplies to make the newest craft project.

Somethings need completed by the next day for school.  AKA:  Homework

I have all of this coming at me ... thrown at me ... tossed at me ... handed ever so nicely to me ...

All the while ...

Someone is screaming "Mommy!" ...

Someone else is screaming "I am hungry." ...

Someone else is screaming "Momma" ...

Someone else is screaming "Mom where is my blue leotard that I TOLD YOU I wanted to wear?" ...

Someone else is screaming "I am hungry." ...

Someone else is screaming "Do I HAVE to go and sit and watch Harleigh?" ...

Someone else is screaming "I am hungry." ...

All of this MUST happen in 8 minutes or less ... or we will miss gymnastics.  And let me tell you ... for the price that we pay for her little round hiney to flip off that balance beam and for the blood to rush to my head every single time she does it ... we will be at gymnastics hell or high water every single session!!!

So ... 10 minutes later ... Eythen is insisting that he DOES NOT have to go to the bathroom ... even though I INSISTED that he try JUST IN CASE he ends up having to go while Harleigh is in gymnastics.

NOPE!  He is CERTAIN he DOES NOT have to go.

Please remember this for future use ...

11 minutes later ...

Breeanna has her homework in hand ... Eythen has his homework in hand ... and Harleigh has her very large cookie and pop in hand (hey ... on days like today ... I am in NO MOOD to push the "let's eat something healthy" issue.  Let's just get OUT the door!!!) ... we load up ... and are on the road 3 minutes behind schedule.

3 minutes is much better than 8 minutes behind like the week prior.

While we are on our way to Pinnacle Gymnastics ... Breeanna normally does her homework in the car and I never hear a peep out of her.  Harleigh is normally shoveling in her "nutrition" to last her through gymnastics ... then she shovels in more "nutrition" to last her through basketball practice ... then she shovels in even more "nutrition" to last her through hip hop dance class.  Eythen normally has reading that he has to do on Monday nights ... so I have him read his books to me in the car once we park and Harleigh goes into the her gymnastics building. 

But ... today ... Eythen asked if he could read to me while I was driving.

Sure ... go for it ... if he did not know the word ... Breeanna was 6 inches from him and could help him sound it out.  Yeah ... yeah ... yeah ... Most Hands On Parent award goes to ... ME!!!!

So as I am darting in out of of traffice driving ever so carefully trying to make up for the 3 minutes we lost trying to get out the door I hear my son reading his book.

"This is my hat."

"This is my coat."

"This is my mitten."

OH!  He must be reading a book about winter clothing.  How cute!

"This is my boot."

"This is so boring."

What did he just say?!?!?

"This is my sweater."

OH!!!  I must have heard him wrong!!!

"This book is to easy."

HUH?!?!?!  I am pretty sure I heard him right this time.

"This book is for babies."

"This is my sock."

"This is my scarf."

I am gonna have to look at this book once we get to the gymnastics building.

"This is REALLY boring."

So I glance in the rear view mirror and ask him "Eythen ... are you SURE that is how the book goes?!?!?"

I get a shit eatin grin from the back seat ... and Breeanna shaking her head back and forth while mouthing the words "NO!" to me.

10 minutes later we arrive ... Harleigh flies out of the car and takes off running into the building.

And what words do I hear come out of my son's mouth???

"I have to go to the bathroom."

I hate Mondays.  *sigh*

Another What the F*** Moment ...

After I put the kids to bed for the evening ... I turned on a movie in the girls room ... and turned on a movie in Eythen's room ... and kissed them all goodnight.

I thought everyone would fall asleep before the movie was over ...

And I would be able to enjoy some peace and quiet for a few hours before I went to bed ...

*20 minutes later*

Harleigh:  MOMMY!

*I see Harleigh standing at the top of the steps*

*sigh*

Me:  What Harleigh?

Harleigh:  Can I have something to eat?

Me:  Uhhhhh .... NO!  Go back to bed.

Harleigh:  That's not fair!  How come Eythen get's something to eat and I don't?!?!?

Me:  Eythen is not eating anything.

*in the faint distant I hear Eythen's voice*

Eythen:  Yes I am!

Harleigh:  Yes he is!

*me with a what the frickity-frack expression on my face*

Harleigh:  He is eating a poptart.

*quickly running through my mind if Eythen came down the stairs and asked me if he could have a pop tart and I said yes when I was not paying attention fully*

*double checking my memory*

*pretty darn sure I did not say yes*

*even more sure I did not see Eythen come down the steps*

Me:  EYTHEN!!!!

*Eythen peeks over the banister with a poptart in hand*

Me:  Eythen!  Are you eating a poptart?

Eythen:  Yes!  You know I like pop tarts.

Me:  Where did you get that pop tart?

Eythen:  It is my pop tart from breakfast.  Remember you said I could eat it in my room while I was playing with my remote control crane?

*me with a blank stare on my face*

Eythen:  I did not eat all of it ... and you told me this morning that I better eat all of my breakfast.

Another what the f*** moment in the Moore household.