Showing posts with label mommy use to be hot. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mommy use to be hot. Show all posts

Monday, July 25, 2011

I want a lounge chair ...

*  look at clock and realize the pool opens in 20 minutes

* slightly panic because if you want a chair to lay out in in this town ... you have to be standing in line 15 minutes before pool opens.

* tell kids to get swimming suits on

* inform them that if Mommy does not get a chair she will not be a happy camper laying on the cement

* dig beach towels out of dryer

* attempt to cram 4 beach towels into beach bag

* cussing under breath because towels will not fit in beach bag ... due to 3 pairs of goggles, 5 tubes of chap stick, 3 swimsuit cover ups, diving sticks, 3 pairs of sunglasses, hair brush, sunscreen and baby oil

* get frustrated and decide kids can just carry their towels

* realize my 4 bottles of water are not in my bag yet

* go to kitchen to get water bottles from the freezer

* get sidetraked when panic over takes me when I notice that there is only 17 minutes till the pool opens.

* scream at kids to hurry up

 * realize I forgot to pick up the kitchen after lunch

* debate with self if it is more important to leave immediately to score a chair at the pool or pick up lunch so Clint does not have to see it when he walks in the door after getting off of work

* chair wins

* shove the kids out the door

* everyone wines as the 196 degree weather slaps us all in the face

* try to open car door ... but it is so darn hot I can hardly touch it

* Eythen starts to complain that his feet are to hot as I am trying to open the car door

* look down and notice that Eythen does not have shoes on

* Really???

* tell Eythen to go get shoes on his feet

* finally get everyone in the car

* everyone starts to scream for me to turn on the AC

* AC only blows out hot air

* everyone wines that the AC is not cooling them down fast enough

* reach for 1 of my water bottles to take a sip of water

* Shit!!!

* forgot the water bottles

* run back inside to get my frozen water bottles

* convince myself that every other stay at home Mom in town is gonna get the chairs before I can even pull out of my driveway

* finally pull out of the drive way with 10 minutes to go before the pool opens

* notice that the line is clear out to the street when we pull into the pool parking lot

* instruct Breeanna and Harleigh to take off and dart through the line to grab me a chair ... once the pool opens

* listen to Eythen ask me "How much longer till the pool opens" every 30 seconds ... for the next 5 minutes

* attempt to count how many people may be wanting a lounge chair that are standing in line in front of me

* debate about writing an letter to the City demanding they buy more lounge chairs for next summer

* pretend like I do not hear Eythen ask me for the 18th time "How much longer till the pool opens?"

* pretend like I do not hear Harlegh inform me that Eythen just asked me "How much longer till the pool opens?"

* pool opens and I yell "GO" to Breeanna and Harleigh ... while frantically pointing my finger at the lounge chair area

* realize I might have sounded like I was at a track meet and I was in charge of starting the race when yelling "GO" ... a moment ago

* Breeanna gives me a thumbs up as I am still standing in line to enter the pool

* *sigh of relief*  Momma's got a lounge chair

* the girls are MIA by the time I reach by beloved lounge chair 

* lay beach towels on lounge chair

* wind blows one beach towel off

* chase beach towel down

* tuck beach towel into grooves of chair

* watch Eythen hop on the hot cement like a bunny on crack trying to get to the water

* wonder how Harleigh already made it down the slide 3 times before I could even bust out the sunscreen

* CRAP!  SUNSCREEN!

* sunscreen on wet children ... not gonna happen

* make mental note to self to buy some of the sunscreen that you can put on wet skin the next time I am at the store

* grab water bottle because I am so hot and thirsty

* tip back water bottle to take a drink

* one itty bitty dribble of ice cold water comes out of the bottle

* make mental note to lay out frozen water bottles earlier next time

* lay down in lounge chair

* 2 minutes later ... sweating in places I did not know could sweat

* get up to go and sit in the pool

* 2 hours later ... get out of the pool

* 20 minutes later finally get all 3 children rounded up

* get to lounge chair ... and already lost 1 children along the way

* spot Eythen jumping in off the side of pool

* see Eythen come up above water with a shit eatin grin on his face

* give Eythen the "get your ass over here right now before Mommy looses it
 look


* pack up everything on the lounge chair ... that I did not even lay out in

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Sunday, June 26, 2011

Typical Mid-Morning Sunday ...

*  Look in bathroom mirror

*  Debate with self if I look "old for my age" or "young for my age"

* Raise arms in air to remember what my boobs looked like "B.B." (AKA: Before Baby)

*  Remembering back on how great my boobs once looked "B.B."

*  Lowering arms

*  *sigh*

*  Turn sideways and suck in

*  Admire "suck in look"

*  Forget to breath as I am sucking in

*  Gasp for air

*  Suck in again

*  *knock at door*

*  Kid at the door

*  Kid wants snack

*  Tell kid that Dad is in the kitchen and to go ask him

*  Notice my eyebrows need to be tweezed

*  Suddenly notice one single strand of eyebrow that is not dark brown

*  Debate with myself if it is gray or if I am suddenly going blonde

*  Convince myself that I am suddenly going blonde

*  *knock on door*

*  Kid back at door

*  Kid wants fruit chew package opened

*  Remind kid that their Dad is in the kitchen AND 2 feet away from the cabinet that has the fruit chews in them

*  Sucking in again

*  Notice that the bathroom sink needs to be cleaned

*  Spray Scrubbing Bubbles on bathroom counter

*  Decide to clean the toilet at the sametime

*  Decide to clean the shower after that

*  *scratching at the door*

*  Dog is trying to get in the bathroom

*  Look in mirror and suck in again

*  Lean closer to the mirror and wonder if that is the begining stages of crows feet

*  Speaking of feet ... debate with myself if I can escape long enough to go and get a pedicure today

*  *knock at door*

*  Kid at door

*  Kid wondering what is taking me so long

*  Kid asking me if I am pooping this long

*  Kid informs me that I need to eat more veggies and fruit

*  *sigh*

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Friday, April 8, 2011

Another year wiser ...

Oh crap!

I am another year older ...

Officially ...

Today ...

*sigh*.

I was NOT looking forward to turning "this number".

AT. ALL.

And NO I am not telling you my age.  Not a chance.  Not even if the fat lady sings, hell freezes over or pigs fly.  We will just say ... that I have been turning 29 ... for the past few years now.

I honestly wanted to skip this day all together and pretend like it never happened.

But since my husband will not let me forget ...

And my children were brainwashed years ago into thinking that I am actually 4 years younger than I actually am ...

Then I will have to go along with it.

*sigh*

And celebrate my birrrr ...

birthhhhhh ...

*cough*

birthhhhhh ...

*cough again*

Birthday!!!

There ... I said it!!!

BIRTHDAY!!!

So I will celebrate a day that means I am that much closer to crows feet wrinkles, botox, body parts going south ...and staying south, lossing my memory, my "eggs" drying up, loss of bladder control, hot flashes, hearing aids, loosing all ability to burn any calories by just sitting and watching tv because my metabolism is shot, menopause, osteoporosis, gray hair, constipation ...

What were we talking about?!?!?

SH*T!!!

See!!!

My memory is already vanishing right before your very eyes ... and all I have done today is get out of bed and take the kids to school.

By 3:00 I might be sitting in the corner with drool coming out of my mouth ...