Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Incase you were wondering if you "crossed over" from the "young" side to the "old-er" side ... I am here to help! Here are 50 ways to know if you are no longer young and hip.

1.  Your houseplants are alive ... and you can not smoke any of them.

2.  Having sex in a twin bed is completely out of the question.

3.  You keep more food than beer in your frig.

4.  6:00 a.m. is when you get up ... not when you are getting into bed.

5.  You hear your favorite song on an "oldie station".

6.  You watch the Weather Channel and CNN.

7.  Your friends marry and divorce ... instead of "hook up" and "break up".

8.  You go from 130 days of vacation ... to 14 days of vacation.

9.  Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressing up".

10. You are the one calling the police because those *#^@ kids will not turn down their radio.

11.  Having sex on the stairs is out of the question.

12.  You do not know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13.  Your car insurance goes down ... and your car pament goes up.

14.  You feed your dog Science Diet ... instead of left over McDonald's.

15.  Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16.  Happy Hour is now considered nap time.

17.  Dinner and a movie is the whole night ... instead of the beginning of one.

18.  Eating a cheeseburger at 3am would severly upset ... instead of settle ... your stomach.

19.  You go to WalGreens for ibuprofen and antacid ... instead of condoms and pregnancy test.

20.  A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit".

21.  You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22.  "I just can't drink the way I use to" ... gets replaced with "I amnever gonna drink that much ever again."

23.  90% of the time you spend infront of the computer ... is for real work.

24.  You don't get liquored up at home ... to save money ... before going to a bar.  Because ... well ... you no longer go to the bar.

25.  When you find out your friend is pregnant ... you congratulate them ... instead of asking "Oh shit what the hell happened?"

26.  When someone calls your house after 8:00 ... you wonder who the hell is bothering you at that hour.

27.  “I went to the bar for a drink Monday night and woke up in a stranger’s front yard with a yet-to-be-determined substance in my hair, and my wallet, car keys and car missing,” is no longer a justifiable reason to take a sick day.

28.  MTV News is no longer your sole source of information.
29.  Grocery lists are longer than macaroni & cheese, diet Pepsi and Ho-Ho's.
30.  You carry an umbrella.
31.  A "late night" is now considered 11:00 p.m.
32.  All you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
33.  All your favorite music is in the bargain bin at Wal-Mart.
34.  Getting "lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
35.  It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
36.  It's tougher to lose weight ... because over time your body and your fat have became the best of friends.
37.  You answer a question with ... "Because I said so!"
38.  You are proud of your lawn.
39.  You begin every other sentence with ... "Nowadays..."
40.  You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
41.  You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.
42.  You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
43.  You find this list tasteless and insensitive.
44.  You know what a Big Chief paper tablet looks like.
45.  You look forward to a dull evening.
46.  You quit trying to hold your stomach in ... no matter who walks into the room.
47.  You shop for health insurance the way you once shopped for a new car.
48.  Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio drinking.
49.  Your drug of choice is now vitamins.
50.  You read this entire list ...desperately for one sign that does not apply to you ... and can't find one to save your sorry old ass.

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