Back to school ...

August 16th, 2007 Tuesday at 6:30 am I awoke to my alarm clock going off. At first, I hit the snooze button without a second thought. Then it hit me . . . . this is my baby girl's first day of school. Breeanna was about to walk into her FIRST grade classroom. She was so excited that she could hardly sleep the night before. She had her outfit picked out, bookbag ready to go, we had gone over which bus she was to get on, paid for her school lunches, told me how she wanted her hair done, memorized her teachers name . . . and was just waiting to the moment to arrive. I have to admit, that I was a basketcase for her first day of kindergarten. Shoot, I cried a month in advance if Clint even brought up the subject of Breeanna going to school. I had NO idea how I was going to be this year. Surely I was going to be fine . . . since I already went through this last year (and yes I had a bit of a melt down last year . . . I did the whole "gasping for air" because I was crying so hard when I got back to the car . Even when I called Clint from the parking lot, he had NO idea what I was saying because I was crying so hard. ). I am pretty sure that kindergarten is harder on the Mommy's than the kids! I was snapping pictures left and right of my little lady's big moment. As we walked into her class room, I got a bit chocked up as the teacher introduced herself. But luckily I had my sunglasses on still so she had no idea I was fighting back some tears. We found Breeanna's desk, put on her name tag, discovered she had 2 other kids from her kindergarten class in her 1st grade class and . . . she sat down and looked at me . . . smiled . . . and said "Bye Mommy!" then she whipsered "I love you" and gave me a kiss. Ok . . . here again I began to fight back some tears , but I was so darn proud of her that those feelings were overcoming the emotional tears . As I turned around to glance back at her one more time, little Eythen clung to Breeanna and began to cry. Wait a minute . . . I thought I was the one that was going to be the basketcase and it is my 2 year old son . He just kept saying "No Nanna!" "Tome on Nanna!" (aka: Come on Nanna) Then he looked at me and said "Don't leave Nanna!" Breeanna's teacher came over and kneeled down and told Eythen that she promised to take good care of Breeanna . . . here came some tears again for me . As Harleigh, Eythen and I walked out of Breeanna's 1st grade classroom . . . I realized that in no time flat it would be me taking them to their classroom as well. Geeezzz . . . I managed to make it through this "stepping stone" of first day of school . . . how will I hold up when I am letting Harleigh go . . . and then my little Eythen? It is so hard and scarey to let your child go. You want to be the one that protects them and takes care of them. But sooner or later . . . a Mommy has to let go and let them walk on their own . .. as hard as that moment may be! (But I am still not ready to let go just yet!!! )