Thursday, November 10, 2011

How smart can one vechile possibly be???

There has been a little debate going on in our house since the beginning of summer.  It was the great debate of SUV vs. Mini Van.  My husband wanted the van because it gets better gas mileage than 2 blocks to a gallon that the SUV's that we have always owned seemed to get.  Me on the other hand ... I still wanted a SUV.

After all ... the gas stations always seem to welcome me with open arms everytime me and my gas guzzler pull up.

SUV's are just my cup of tea.

I look cool in them.

Now ... I am not saying YOU are not cool if YOU drive a minivan.  I am just saying that I do not look cool in a minivan.

I am not even sure why Clint even brought the idea of a minivan to the table ... did he really think he was gonna win this family debate?!?!?  Come on.  He can't say no to me.


So ... after ALOT of searching.  And ALOT of begging and pleading.  And ALOT of batting my eyes.  Clint bought me a beautiful Lincoln Navigator.  It is shiney ... and black ... fully loaded ... and WAY smarter than me.

Since we have driven my pretty pimpin mobile off the car lot ... I have had ALOT of "issuses" with this piece of smart ass metal.

First off ...

I thought I was turning the blinker on ... but instead I pushed the button to make the side mirrors close.  Did I mention that it was PITCH BLACK outside and I did not have a CLUE what button I hit to close the side mirrors.  So yes ... I had to pull over and get out the owners manual.

Of course their was the moment that ...

I somehow turned on the windshield wippers while driving down the highway.  Yet again ... I did not have a CLUE where the darn windshiled wippers button was.  So yes ... I drove all the way home ... with the windshield wippers on ... on a day that the sun was shining.

We can not forget ...

The first time I got in the SUV and pulled out of my driveway ... 4 seconds down the road I hear: *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep*  Now please imagine these *beep*'s REALLY fast and REALLY loud.  Almost as if a bomb is about to go off and you need to get the f**k out of the way.  Yeah.  I slightly peed my pants.  Come to find out ... this "luxery" piece of metal will notifiy you INSTANTLY if you do not buckle up and put the darn vechile in drive.  It will NOT SHUT OFF.  It WILL keep going!

There was the time that ...

I was sitting in the Chipotle parking lot.  Minding my own business.  Texting my husband a photo of my Chipotle cup.  Rubbing in the fact that I was eating Chipotle for lunch and he was having a cold sandwich at work ... when all of the sudden I hear: *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep*.  SHIT!!!  Now what?!??!  I am not in drive.  I am not moving.  I AM buckled.  Then I see someone walking close to the backend of my vechile.  Come to find out ... I have a device that *beep*'s at me if something (or someone) is behind me.  Pro ... if one of my children decide to walk behind me while I am backing out of the driveway.  Con ... if I am sitting in the Chipotle parking lot and some dousche bag decides to get to close to my Pimpin SUV and scare the crap out of me.

Then there was the 'oh so embarrassing moment when ...

I was pulling up to Eythen football game ... and needed to roll down my window to pay for the kids and I to get through the gate to go and park.  Except ... I had NO FLIPPIN CLUE where the button was to roll down the window.  It was NOT in the "normal place" on the drivers side door.  Oh no!  Not my luxery piece of metal.  So ... I had to open my door ... apologize because I was such a moron and could not find the button to roll down MY OWN SUV window ... and pay ... all the while my children were laughing till they had tears falling down their face in the backseat.

Who could forget about the factor that ...

My keychain has a button on it .. that opens up the back window ... on the backend of the vechile.  I did not realize that I hit the button.  I noticed that there was a red signal that kept flashing on my dashboard that said "lift gate adjar".  To begin with ... I had no idea where the "lift gate" even was!!!  Which mean ... I had no idea what "lift gate adjar" even meant!!!  That was ... until Clint let me know that I was a big 'ol dork ... and opened up the back window on my keychain ... and did not even know it.

I am week two into driving this amazingly intellegant device ... but I am POSITIVE that I will still have some "learning experiences" along the way.

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1 comment:

  1. omg! this post makes me really not want a new car! I can totally relate the the whole windshield wiper thing though. My husbands car sometimes randomly has the windshield wipers turn on by its self. It was so embarrassing having those wipers going on a sunny day!


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