Monday, June 20, 2011

Being a Mom ...

I have had the honor of being the CEO of the Moore household (AKA: Fancy word for Stay At Home Mom) for almost 5 years now ... and I have truely enjoyed every single moment of it.  Sure ... a paycheck every now and then would be nice.  I would make a butt load with all the overtime that I put in.  Shoot ... a pat on the back saying the the toilets were looking extremely sparkly today would be great ...

Anyways ...

I would like to share with you somethings that I have learned over the years about being a Mommy.

Such as ...

I have found myself at times standing in Target ... praying that people realize that the actions and comments of my children were not a reflection of my parenting skills.  For example ... it is not my fault that my daughters use to pull up their dresses saying "look at my belly button" to anyone pushing a big red kart ... when they were toddlers.  Not. My. Fault. 

I am a human calendar who can remember dentist appointments, when trash pick up day was, when homework was due, who was which activity on which night at what time ... but I can never remember why I walked into the kitchen.

My laundry seems to multiple like rabbits.

There are days that I am certain my children hid my sanity in their toybox.

Things like: "Get out of the toilet", "Stop biting your sister", "Get your hands out of your pants" "Quit licking your brother" were suddenly coming out of my mouth through out the day.

Adult conversation ... is something I truely miss ... which might be why I carry on a conversation with the lady behind the cash register for a bit to long.

Sometimes I am so tired that I wash the living room floor, fold the dishes, wash the laundry, and straighten up the closets ... and that is on a good day.

Most days all I hear is: Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy,  ... alllll day long.  (Think you are tired of reading it ... think how I feel some days.  *sigh*)

Finding fruit snacks embedded in my sheets became a daily routine.

I realized that all the Moms out there that make being a Mom look so effortless and glorious ... are big fat lairs.  I am onto you bitches!!!

I realized really quick ... that taking my kids to school in PJ pants was A-OK in my book ... and a baseball cap every now and then to cover up my uncombed hair.

My alarm now consist of: "Mommy I am hungry"  "Mommy we are out of milk"  "Mommy are you asleep".

I realized I was a true Mommy when I was refering to the restroom as "The Potty" ... even around adults.

Before I had kids ... silence was silence ... now it just means that my kids are doing something that they are trying to hide from me.

I realized that being a good Mom means leaving the bathroom door open when I go pee ... so I can save my kids the hassel of opening and shutting the door when I am in the bathroom.

The only was I am gonna get 10 minutes of conversation on the phone ... without interuptions ... is locking myself in the closet ... and whispering.

I am a Stay At Home Mom ... which sometimes get confused with MAID.

Going grocery shopping by myself ... is sometimes the highlight of my week.

My children can be sitting on the couch NEXT TO my husband ... but still come and ask me for a glass of milk ... even though I am at the opposite end of the house ... in the shower.

I have an excuse for being bitchy ... it is because I am oncall 24/7 with no vacation days.

My lunch consist of mac-n-cheese 4 out of 5 days a week ... and a PJ&J sandwich on the other day.

There are always dishes in the sink.

I know all the words to the BackYardigan theme song ... as well as Dora the Explorer ... Wizards of Waverly Place ... and Hanna Montanna.

I definately think that my kids have the coolest Mom ... Certain. Of. It.

Somedays I debate about changing my name from Mommy to Shit ... go ahead kids ... I dare you to call me now.

I only take credit for the first 9 months ... after that they were exposed to their Dad. 

BUT ... on the flip side ... as the minutes turn into days ... and the days turn into weeks ... and the weeks turn into years ... I can not imagine any other career that I would enjoy more ... than being the CEO of my household or better known as M.O.M. ... Manager of Multitasking.

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