Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Full Name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.
Grandparents: The people who think your children can do no wrong.
Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything.
9 months: The amount of time you have to realize that your boobs and tummy will never be the same again.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone says a "bad" word.
Independent: How we want our children to be for as long as they do everything we say.
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry Nike shoes and new Gap jeans into it.
Timeout: The moment that you poor yourself a glass of wine and lock yourself in the bathroom.
Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with your own saliva.
Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.
Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.
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