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Last night I took another amazing Tylenol PM ... and was sound asleep by 8:45 pm. I know!!! 8:45!!! That is just crazy talk ... but I was out like a light.
I was dreaming about the stupidest thing ...
I was at a pond where people were jumping in ... and then they were hooked to a fishing pole. They would swim out as far as they could ... and then the person on the other end would pull them back in with the fishing pole.
Stupid ass dream.
Suddenly a shark appeared ... in the pond ...
And bit half of someone off.
Next thing I know ... I am calling for help. For some unknown reason ... I call my bestfriend's Mom FROM ELEMENTARY SCHOOL for help. How the hell did I know her phone number is beyond me ... but I dialed it and started to scream for her to come to the pond and save the half eaten person.
Suddenly it starts to rain ...
And everyone runs for shelter ...
The rain is hitting the walls of the shelter really hard ...
And the wind is blowing even harder ...
I suddenly wake up to what sounds like hail hitting the side of our house. I lay there ... half out of it ... because I have only been asleep for an hour and a half with the Tylenol PM. I noticed that Clint was still downstairs ... and all the lights were on. I debated on crawling out of bed to see if we were in a bad storm warning ... or just praying that I did not get blown away and closing my eyes and going back to sleep.
As the wind began to blow even harder I decided to drag my butt out of bed to see if we were gonna get blown away.
As I began to head out the bedroom door ... I was greeted by Clint making a mad dash into our room. He was suddenly putting on shoes ... and telling me to wake the kids up because we had 3 minutes before a possible tornado was suspose to come through our town.
Like a crazed mad woman ... I go flying into the kids rooms ... tossing shoes at them ... and telling them to get down the stairs to take cover.
Yeah ... I might have possibly tramatized their little minds. I am blaming it on the Tylenol PM.
Needless to say ... we do not have a basment.
Which sucks donkey balls big time.
We are all crammed into a little closet ... except my annoying oh-so-smart husband who is talking on the phone while watching the tv.
In the mean time ... I was trying to get Eythen to stop shaking from pure fear. I was trying to get Breeanna to catch her breath from crying so hard. I was trying to get Harleigh to not worry about the stupid cat that she had in one arm and the dog she had in the other. I was trying not to have a nervous break down on my own. I was convincing myself that this is gonna be a horrible year with storms. I was reminding myself that we need to buy a home ASAP that has a basement. I was wondering why the hell my husband was still standing in the living room. I was wondering how I was gonna support 3 children on my own when my husband got blown away because he did not take cover. I was wondering how excited my parents would be when me and the kids moved back in with them because Clint and our home got blown away in this storm. I was wondering why I never had Clint show me how to use the grill because now I am suddenly gonna have to grill the burgers because he got blown away.
Clint: It is over. You guys can come out now.
Me: When exactly is the weather "bad enough" for you to take cover with us?
Clint: I don't know.
Me: You are annoying.
Clint: You are cranky.
Me: True that.
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Tornado sirens going off + me in the salon = me having a panic attack with foils in my hair
For the past few days the weather reports have been saying that we are gonna have a massive snow storm tear through the area.
I kept telling Clint that I did not believe it ... that it would die off ... and we might end up with a little "dust" of snow covering the ground when we woke up Wednesday morning.
I think I might be wrong on this one.
*shrugging shoulders*
Today while I was doing the dishes ... our weather radio started going off.
BEEP ...
BEEP ...
BEEP ...
THIS IS THE NATIONAL WEATHER REPORT.
*pause*
My FIRST thought is TAKE COVER! A *bleeping* tornado is about to take my house and I will end up like Dorothy in the Wizard of Ozz.
We're off to see the wizard ...
THE NATIONAL WEATHER REPORT HAS A BLIZZARD WARNING ...
*pause*
I am still focused on the fact that a tornado is gonna blow me away and I do not have my ruby red slippers on ...to click together 3 times ... to get me back home!!!
There's no place like home ...
There's no place like home ...
There's no place like home ...
I DO NOT deal well with tornados.
PERIOD!
Point blank!
No if's ... and's ... or but's about it!
The ONLY time that darn weather radio goes off ... is when a tornado is about to hit ... and I start to cry ... possibly curl up in the fetal postion ... and scream "I WANT MY MOMMY!"
FOR THE FOLLOWING AREAS ...
*pause*
I freeze instantly and try to remember where Clint told me to go and take cover in the house incase the tornado sirens ever went off and he was not here.
All I can think of ... is that ... THERE IS NO F*CKING BASEMENT!!!!
I WANT MY MOMMY!!
DOUGLAS COUNTY
Suddenly everything starts to sound like Charlie Brown's teacher ...
WHAW ... WHAW ... WHAW ...
Did that say BLIZZARD?!?!?!
For Douglas County?!?!?!
This is Kansas for crying out loud. When I think of blizzards ... I think of Alaska ... eskimos .... big furry coat ... living in iglos ... using a sled pulled by dogs to get around.
NOT. KANSAS.
NOPE!
Tornados ... sure!!!
Blizzards ... uhhh ... no!!!
Anyways ... after I realize that I am not gonna die in the next 5 seconds due to some random tornado in January ... I go and tell the kids that we are in a blizzard warning and their new snow boots and new snow suits that we spent $155 on will STILL get some use out of them.
WOOT! WOOOT!
Money well spent.
(I said that with TOTAL scarcasm incase you were wondering)
Harleigh asked me what a warning was ...
Eythen asked me if I was talking about a blizard from Dairy Queen ... because if so ... he wanted an Oreo Blizzard.
Breeanna asked if they will cancel school ... and if so ... can they stay up late.
Will they cancel school?!?!?! That is a REALLY good question my adorable little 9 year old!!!
The "blizzard" is suspose to start at 7 am.
That is well after I have my kids up. Shoot ... we have already had breakfast by 7 am would be playing our morning game of Uno by that time.
By noon it is suspose to be "white out conditions". I know as a parent ... I sure the heck do not wanna be out driving in that mess at 3:00 in the afternoon to pick the kids up from school.
I wonder if they will cancel school "because the weather man PROMISED a blizzard was coming?!?!?
Hmmmm?!?!?!?
I can do one of two things ...
1. I can send their little hiney's to bed at their normal time because this Mommy needs "some quiet time" and hope the school calls by 5:30 am and cancels school.
or ...
2. I could let them stay up late and hope that they cancel school tomorrow. BUT ... that would be my luck that school would not be canceled ... and I would still have to get my kids up early in the morning.
And they would be tired ...
And cranky ...
At school ...
What if they had a test ... and was so tired ... they failed?!?!?!
What is they fell asleep at school because I let them stay up late in hopes that there was a snow day?!?!?!
What if they were so cranky they got sent to the principle's office?!?!?! Then the principle would ask why were they so tired and cranky towards everyone at school ... and they would reply with "Mommy let me stay up really late last night."
And I would be up for Mommy of the Year Award ... AGAIN!
I am certain to win that darn award sooner or later with my amazing parenting skills.
I think I will go with option #1 ...
Except ...
I think I will add a glass of wine to the scenerio.
If you do not hear from us by Thursday ... send in the reinforcements to come and shovel us out ... and please bring wine. I might need some more bottles by that point in time.
