I am sorry! I can't hear you from all the ringing that is going on in my ears ...

Two days ago ... Eythen and I were sitting down stairs watching Thomas the Train (one of the MANY days that he has been home from school sick) ... when suddenly the freaking smoke dectors started going off.

*BEEP*  *BEEP*  *BEEP*

Crap!  What do I grab first?  The house is gonna burn down!  SHIT!  We never did set up renters insurance.

*panic running through my sole*

Eythen does not take his eyes off the tv ...

Except to say "Can you turn that thing off?  I can't hear the tv."

*roll my eyes at my child*

WAIT!!!  It is just the smoke dector in the hallway upstairs going off.

I drag one of the kitchen chairs up the stairs and try to reach the smoke dector.

*BEEP*  *BEEP*  *BEEP*

Are these beeps getting louder???

Damn.

Low and Behold ... my 5 foot body can not reach the smoke dector with the stupid kitchen chair.

DAMN!

I drag the ladder out of the garage ... up the stairs ... nearly taking out the stupid cat along the way.

How does this stupid ladder even open?

*BEEP*  *BEEP*  *BEEP*

SHUT UP!!!

I finally get up the ladder ... pull the battery out of the smoke dector ...

*BEEP*  *BEEP*  *BEEP*

Mother F**KER!!!

What the hell?!?!?!

Eythen:  MOM!!!  I can not hear Thomas!!!

Me:  I can't hear anything from all the ringing that is going on in my ears!!!  I think we are even!!!

I then realize that it is the stupid smoke dector in Clint's and my bedroom going off.

So ... I drag the ladder into our bedroom.  Nearly taking out the dog this time.

I pull that battery out ...

*BEEP*  *BEEP*  *BEEP*

F**K!!!

Then I notice this button in the center of the smoke dector.  I have no idea if it will shut this damn thing up or it direct dials 911 if I push it ... but I take that risk and push it.  After all ... if it does direct dial 911 ... maybe they can get this stupid thing to SHUT UP!!!

*silence ... except for the ringing that is going on in my ears*

I text Clint: The smoke dectors are going off.

No reply.

Two hours later ...

*BEEP*  *BEEP*  *BEEP*

Eythen:  Not again!

What the HELL?!?!?  The damn thing does not have a battery in it.  How in the WOLRD is it going off?!?!?!

This time ... I take the broom up the stairs for reinforcements.  I hit it ... once ... maybe twice ... and hit that stupid center button again.

And it stops ...

I text Clint: The smoke dectors are STILL going off.

No reply.

Good thing he is not concerned about his wife going down in flames.

Three hours later Clint comes home ...

Me:  Did you get my text?

Clint:  Yeah.

*looking straight at him with irritated eyes*

Me:  AND?!?!?

Clint:  What was I suspose to do about it?  I was at work!  If the house did burn down ... someone would have to pay for the new furniture.

*sigh*

Me:  Go and fix the smoke dector so it does not do it again.

Clint:  And what exactly does that entale?

The next day ...

*BEEP*  *BEEP*  *BEEP*

You have GOT to be kidding me?!?!?

Eythen: Not again!

This time ... I went up with a broom in one hand ... and a hammer in the other.  I was not messing around this time.

*BEEP*  *BEEP*  *BEEP*

*whack*

*slap*

*take that bitch*

Silence ...

I text Clint:  The stupid things are going off again!

No response.

Two hours later ...

*BEEP*  *BEEP*  *BEEP*

I literally debate just leaving the stupid house and sitting in the SUV for the rest of the day until Clint gets home.

*whack*

*slap*

*shut the HELL up*

I text Clint:  Yes ... in case you are wondering why I am texting you ... it is just to let you know that the smoke dectors are going off AGAIN!  I might be deaf by the time you get home.

No response.

Clint is officially annoying me just as much as this stupid smoke dector.

15 minutes later ...

*BEEP*  *BEEP*  *BEEP*

I set there wondering how long one can possible handle these annoying BEEPS.

10 seconds later ...

That's it!  This bitch is mine!

This smoke dector is going down!

I might having possibly hit it so many times that it admitted defeat ...

Possibly.

I text Clint:  If you come home and there is a hole in the ceiling please ignore it.  Yes ... the smoke dectors are going off again!

Clint replied with:  It must be from all of your HOTTNESS.

?!?!?!?!

You can not be serious?!?!?!?

I text back:  I can not seem to hear you with all the ringing that is going on in my ears.

As we are getting ready for bed later that night ...

Me:  Will you just take the smoke dector out of the ceiling please?

Clint:  Yeah.

Me:  My sanity thanks you.

Clint:  My sanity thanks you.

Me:  What am I suspose to do if the damn thing still goes off even though it is not hooked up?

Clint:  Get the hell out of this haunted house.

Clint takes the smoke dector out of the wall and heads down the stairs to lock up the house.

*beep*  *beep*

Me:  CLINT!!!  HOLY SHIT!!!  Did you just hear that?!?!?  The smoke dector just let out two itty bitty beeps!

Clint:  It letting you know who is the boss.

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