*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*
Crap! What do I grab first? The house is gonna burn down! SHIT! We never did set up renters insurance.
*panic running through my sole*
Eythen does not take his eyes off the tv ...
Except to say "Can you turn that thing off? I can't hear the tv."
*roll my eyes at my child*
WAIT!!! It is just the smoke dector in the hallway upstairs going off.
I drag one of the kitchen chairs up the stairs and try to reach the smoke dector.
*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*
Are these beeps getting louder???
Damn.
Low and Behold ... my 5 foot body can not reach the smoke dector with the stupid kitchen chair.
DAMN!
I drag the ladder out of the garage ... up the stairs ... nearly taking out the stupid cat along the way.
How does this stupid ladder even open?
*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*
SHUT UP!!!
I finally get up the ladder ... pull the battery out of the smoke dector ...
*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*
Mother F**KER!!!
What the hell?!?!?!
Eythen: MOM!!! I can not hear Thomas!!!
Me: I can't hear anything from all the ringing that is going on in my ears!!! I think we are even!!!
I then realize that it is the stupid smoke dector in Clint's and my bedroom going off.
So ... I drag the ladder into our bedroom. Nearly taking out the dog this time.
I pull that battery out ...
*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*
F**K!!!
Then I notice this button in the center of the smoke dector. I have no idea if it will shut this damn thing up or it direct dials 911 if I push it ... but I take that risk and push it. After all ... if it does direct dial 911 ... maybe they can get this stupid thing to SHUT UP!!!
*silence ... except for the ringing that is going on in my ears*
I text Clint: The smoke dectors are going off.
No reply.
Two hours later ...
*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*
Eythen: Not again!
What the HELL?!?!? The damn thing does not have a battery in it. How in the WOLRD is it going off?!?!?!
This time ... I take the broom up the stairs for reinforcements. I hit it ... once ... maybe twice ... and hit that stupid center button again.
And it stops ...
I text Clint: The smoke dectors are STILL going off.
No reply.
Good thing he is not concerned about his wife going down in flames.
Three hours later Clint comes home ...
Me: Did you get my text?
Clint: Yeah.
*looking straight at him with irritated eyes*
Me: AND?!?!?
Clint: What was I suspose to do about it? I was at work! If the house did burn down ... someone would have to pay for the new furniture.
*sigh*
Me: Go and fix the smoke dector so it does not do it again.
Clint: And what exactly does that entale?
The next day ...
*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*
You have GOT to be kidding me?!?!?
Eythen: Not again!
This time ... I went up with a broom in one hand ... and a hammer in the other. I was not messing around this time.
*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*
*whack*
*slap*
*take that bitch*
Silence ...
I text Clint: The stupid things are going off again!
No response.
Two hours later ...
*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*
I literally debate just leaving the stupid house and sitting in the SUV for the rest of the day until Clint gets home.
*whack*
*slap*
*shut the HELL up*
I text Clint: Yes ... in case you are wondering why I am texting you ... it is just to let you know that the smoke dectors are going off AGAIN! I might be deaf by the time you get home.
No response.
Clint is officially annoying me just as much as this stupid smoke dector.
15 minutes later ...
*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*
I set there wondering how long one can possible handle these annoying BEEPS.
10 seconds later ...
That's it! This bitch is mine!
This smoke dector is going down!
I might having possibly hit it so many times that it admitted defeat ...
Possibly.
I text Clint: If you come home and there is a hole in the ceiling please ignore it. Yes ... the smoke dectors are going off again!
Clint replied with: It must be from all of your HOTTNESS.
?!?!?!?!
You can not be serious?!?!?!?
I text back: I can not seem to hear you with all the ringing that is going on in my ears.
As we are getting ready for bed later that night ...
Me: Will you just take the smoke dector out of the ceiling please?
Clint: Yeah.
Me: My sanity thanks you.
Clint: My sanity thanks you.
Me: What am I suspose to do if the damn thing still goes off even though it is not hooked up?
Clint: Get the hell out of this haunted house.
Clint takes the smoke dector out of the wall and heads down the stairs to lock up the house.
*beep* *beep*
Me: CLINT!!! HOLY SHIT!!! Did you just hear that?!?!? The smoke dector just let out two itty bitty beeps!
Clint: It letting you know who is the boss.
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