Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Gym time ...

I would just like to fill you in on how my morning at the gym went ...

*  pull up to gym and stare at the gym door

*  debate about turning around and coming home because it is so cold outside

*  do not wanna have to tell Clint that I did not go because it was to cold outside, because he would call me a "wuss" as he walked out the door heading to the gym this evening

*  whimper a little bit as the cold air hits me the second I open up my Yukon doors

*  think to myself that being called a "wuss" is not a bad thing

*  open up gym doors and drag myself inside

*  immediately see a cute little girl in a sports bra and booty shorts laying on the floor working out her extremely flat-never had a baby in her tummy before-not a single stretch mark in sight-tan as can be in the dead of winter abs

*  call her a bitch under my breath

*  walk past skinny little bitch laying on floor and secretly wanna kick her

*  get on ellipitical machine

*  nearly fall off ellipitical machine while trying to put ear phones on

*  looking around to make sure skinny little bitch ... who is now doing lunges across the floor did not see me nearly take a nose dive off the ellipitical machine

*  working up a sweat

*  certain I have been on ellipitical for at least 15 minutes

*  nope ... a minute and a half


*  debate with myself if 2 minutes is a good warm up

*  skinny little bitch is still doing lunges across the floor

*  pretty sure I am about to have a heart attack if I do not get off the ellipitical machine

*  legs feel like jello

*  debate on sticking foot out to "accidentally" trip skinny little bitch in her sprots bra and booty shorts who is now jump roping

*  must do leg workout but not sure if my limp legs can even comprehend what they are suspose to do

*  owie

*  oh shit that hurts

*  anyone except skinny bitch catch me if I fall ... my legs are noodles

*  skinny little bitch leaves just in time for me to be able to do my lunges across the gym

*  my lunges do not look nearly as pretty as hers did

*  debate with myself on if my butt looks big in the sweatpants I have on as I watch myself in the mirror doing lunges

*  yep ... my butt looks big

*  what was that noise???

*  oh crap!!!  my stomch is growling

*  not a good time for my body to be making noises

*  good thing skinny little bitch is no longer here to hear my bodily noises

*  start to think about what I am gonna have to lunch as I go across the floor-with my legs feeling like jello-trying to do lunges-with my big butt following me

*  a cheeseburger sure does sound good

*  great ... now I am thirsty

*  i wonder if there is a pop machine around here

*  nope ... just a stupid germy water fountain


*  cardio done ... legs done ... now onto the abs

*  young studdly guy enters gym

*  young studdly guy thinks everyone is checking him out

*  young studdly guy who thinks he is the bomb is already annoying me

*  young studdly guy lifting weights over by the area I need to be at to do my ab workout


*  standing in the middle of the gym like a lost little girl because I do not wanna take my big butt in sweatpants over to the same area as young studdly guy ... and his young studdly friend who just joined him

*  pretending like I am stretching in hopes they leave the area

*  secretly hoping they drop the dumbbell on their toe as they admire themselves in the mirror as they do their arm workout

*  pretty sure I just threw up in my mouth a little bit

*  screw this ... I will just take my sweatpant wearing-3 baby havin-junk in the trunk behind-no makeup on-oversized sweatshirt-really wanting a Dr. Pepper-home and do my ab work out infront of the cat and dog

*  begin to wonder if the cat and dog secretly laugh at me

*  quickly saying a prayer that I do not fall ... due to my jello legs ... as I walk across the gym floor

*  debate on which gym I would switch to if I did fall face first on the gym floor

*  whimper slightly as the cold air hits me once I open the gym doors

*  curl up around my steering wheel while my back hurts from shaking so hard because my Yukon is freezing cold

Note to self:  Come to the gym when I am the only one there.  Perhaps 1 a.m. is a good time?!?!?

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  1. I stumbled across your blog, and I had to tell you that you are TOO funny! This is so my world right now at the Gym ... glad I am not the only Mommy that goes through this. You're hilarious ... I laughed so hard reading this that I started to cry.

  2. Popping by from the Mystery Post Blog hop. Thanks for hoppin this week! You are so funny! I love it!

    I avoid the GYM like the plague,dishes,laundry, and the dentist!


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