Saturday, May 1, 2010

I really could not even make this sh*t up!!!

First off ... I want to start this blog off by saying ... ALL of this blog is based on TRUE facts!  Names have NOT been changed to protect the idenity of ANYONE involved throughout this whole ordeal.  It is ALL (unfortunately)TRUE!!! 

Back on October ... when we were in the process of packing up our house and moving into a rental (Yes ... this was the SECOND attempt at selling the house!  Oh and FYI ... good thing these people did not back out ... I might have burnt down the "buyers" rental house in protest if it would have happened again) ... I was in the middle of picking up a box ... and pulled the main muscle that runs down the front of my arm and down to my middle and fourth finger. 

Please excuse me for not remembering the actual name of the muscle ... we will just call it ... the muscle that I ROYALLY hurt.

Anyways ... I pulled the darn muscle (that I ROYALLY hurt) so badly that I could not even pull the cellphone charger out of the wall.  Anything that involved moving that muscle (that I ROYALLY hurt) would bring tears to my eyes.  Vacumming, dishes, laundry, combing the girls hair, typing on the computer ... I could go ... but then I would just bore you.

Flash forward to January:
My arm was basically fine by then.  Until ... we move AGAIN!  (This was the FOURTH time in NINE months.)  I went to lift ANOTHER box ... and OWIE!!!  I felt that darn muscle (that I ROYALLY hurt in October) shoot a pain right down my arm. 



*tears welling up in my eyes*

Here we go again.

Flash forward to April:
My arm was basically fine ... AGAIN.  UNTIL ... the dreaded vacuum cleaner vs. the steps encounter.  *sigh*  Don't even ask!  Let's just say ... the stairs won ... and I tried to save the vacuum cleaner (like any good human being would) ... and ... OWIE!!!  I hurt my arm ... that has the muscle ... that I ROYALLY hurt ... in January ... when we were moving for the 4th time ... the same arm ... that I ROYALLY hurt ... in October ... when we were moving for the 3rd time. 


Stupid arm. 

Stupid vacuum cleaner. 

Stupid stairs (that I will have an encounter with again ... VERY SOON!).

Flash Forward to Friday April 23rd:
I caved in and went to the doctor to see what she would say about it.  In between me telling Eythen to turn down the volume on his DS, Eythen asking me if it was time to go yet, Eythen telling me that he was SOOOO thirsty and Eythen reminding me every 4 seconds that I promised him a candy bar if he was good ... ... I heard the doctor say words like ... extremely inflammed, possible tore muscle, pain medicine, extremely swollen, should have gotten it checked out the FIRST time it happened.  I then heard the words ... wear a sling for 2 weeks so it stays still. 

WHAT THE FRICKITY FRACK are you talking about woman?!?!?!?! 

Doesn't she realize that I am a Mom of 3 kids, a husband, house, one dog and one cat to take care of???  How am I suspose to wear a sling for TWO WEEKS????  Come on!!!  Isn't there something else we work out here, Doc??? Require me to take a nap for at least an hour every day for the next two weeks???  How about I have take a hot bath in silence for at least two weeks ... no if ands or buts about it???  I know ... how about if I am in the bathroom, and the door is closed, the kids can not come busting in or scream through the door, "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!  I NEED A DRINK OF MILLLLLLLLLLLKKKKKKKKKKKKK", for at least two weeks???  Everyone must pick up their own socks and shoes without me asking for two weeks???  Come on!!!  Help a lady out!!!

Can you imagine the headline on CNN? House in complete shambles, husband left with no clean clothes and 3 children appearing to look like orphans after Mom is told to leave her arm in a sling for two full weeks. Then CNN would do a video clip of the inside of my house. Dishes would be piled to the ceiling in the sink, beds would have the apprearance of not be being made in 2 weeks, dirty laundry would be layed everywhere, Eythen would have a ring of Oreo dust outlining his mouth (because that would be his sole source of nutrition for two weeks), Harleigh would LITERALLY be bouncing off the walls from all the sugar (from candy bars that she indigested morning-noon-night over the course of this whole ordeal), Breeanna would have every single piece of her art box out - and there would be glitter and puff paint and stickers and glue and pieces of cut up paper all over every nook and cranny of the house ... and then there would be poor Clint ... my bestfriend-solemate-one who makes me smile-laughes at all my jokes-loves me for me-no matter what- even if my arm is in a sling ... he would be standing in the corner with this dazed and confused look on his face ... kind of like ... he did not know what hit him over the course of the past two weeks.  


All of this because I am a complete clutz.  Geeze!!!

My second thought was ... thank goodness I am no longer working the Commercial Drive Thru window at Bank of America.  I would have MAJORLY slowed down the wait time ... which meant I would have had alot of customers pissed off at me, customer service would have went down, I would have gotten wrote me up for working so slow, head quarters would have realized that the FlintHills Branch was not getting as many transactions as they use to ... and eventually ... they would have let go of everyone in the FlintHills Branch and closed the whole branch all together.  ALL because I had to wear my arm in a sling for TWO FULL WEEKS!  


See what all can go wrong when just little 'ol me gets hurt!  Lordy Be!

You do not even wanna know what could happen if I get a broken arm ... or worse yet ... broken leg!!!

So maybe that would not be exactly the way it would happen.  Maybe it would not be CNN ... but FOR SURE Fox 4 News would scoop that story up in a heartbeat!

So ... like a good patient ... I nodded my head ... and told the doctor that I would follow her instructions. 

Ummm ... yeah .... uhhh ... once Eythen and I got home ... the sling never went on my arm.  I kept it still for two full hours.  Come on!  That is a long time!  Cut me some slack here!  Eythen asked if I wanted to play Mario Kart. Who am I to say no to my son?  I HAVE to use two hands to steer.  And TRUST ME ... Eythen already kicks my ass anyways ... so I HAD to use two hands.  One arm not being used ... would have REALLY allowed my 5 year old son to drive circles around me in Mario Kart world!!!

Flash Forward to the following Saturday morning:
Me vs. the stairs!  Yes again!  Yet again ... the stairs won. 

I was dusting the banister (SEE!!!  I can NOT keep my arm still for TWO WEEKS!!!  NOT when there are banister rails to be clean!!!) ... and my foot slipped ... and down I went. 


*tears falling*

(no answer)

(no answer still)


for crying out loud! 

really???  I was in labor with you for 26 hours!

*stomping foot*
CRAP wrong foot!!!  OWIE!!!  That hurt my knee all over again!!!

i know he can hear me!  he is just "acting" like he can't.

you all remember this when lunch time rolls around in an hour!!!

*still sobbing*

REALLY?!?!?!  You have GOT to be kidding me!?!?!?  SERIOUSLY!?!?!?!  NO ONE can hear me!?!?!?!

*tears falling*


FINALLY!!!  Breeanna comes to my rescue!!!  She came running inside and saw me sitting on the steps.  Of course she gave me a curious look and said, "What are you doing on the steps?"  All I could do was point to the door and say, "Get your Dad."

As Clint came walking in ... I was trying to stand up.  I told him I fell down the stairs and hurt my knee.  Next thing I know ... he is laughing at me.  WHAT?!?!?  I have been inside crying for like ... ohh ... I don't know ... 45 minutes ... ok ... maybe 30 .... *sigh* ... alright ... 20 minutes ... oh whatever ... I was crying by myself for awhile ... and Clint is laughing at me. 

*sigh*  Men!

So ... here I am ... with a hurt knee ... and a hurt arm.



Damn the luck!!!

I could not even make this story up IF I TRIED!!!  Who in the WORLD hurts themselves at two DIFFERENT times ... that causes two DIFFERENT injuries??? 

So ... here I am ... with an arm that is suspose to be in a sling (no Mom ... I still do not have it in a sling) and I can not even walk on my leg because of my darn knee.  People are gonna start to wonder if Clint is beating me up behind closed doors.  Then again ... he did laugh at me. 

*sigh*  Men!

Oh yeah ... I have NO IDEA what the name of the ligament that runs down my knee is called.  We are just gonna refer to it as the GOSH DARN LIGAMENT THAT IS MAKING MY KNEE HURT SO BLEEPING BAD!!!! 


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